Friday, December 31, 2010
Wrong On Every Level....
....But A Year-End Compilation Nonetheless. (Hey, I never said I was an arbiter of taste.)
Can You Use A Goat To Get High?
MercuryNews.com
Three men arrested after a crying goat is found tied in car trunk
It started off as a traffic stop. And it ended with three men being booked on charges of being cruel to a thirsty, hogtied goat. Morgan Hill special operations Cmdr. Joe Sampson said the charges -- which also included driving under the influence and possession of methamphetamine -- stem from a Christmas Eve bust on Monterey Road near San Pedro Avenue. Sampson said officers on Friday spotted a car swerving, and pulled it over. They found that the driver didn't have a license, and they smelled alcohol inside the car, police said. Not only did the officer find three open beer cans, as well as plastic bags filled with what he suspected was crystal methamphetamine, but he also heard crying, or rather, bleating, coming from inside the car trunk. "Lo and behold, there's a goat tied up in there," Sampson said. "We think they were going to eat it." Police called animal control officers, who found the goat severely dehydrated. "They gave it some water and it drank a gallon," Sampson said. The driver, Ciro Paredes, 40, of Morgan Hill, was arrested on charges of not having a driver's license, DUI and animal cruelty. Passengers Julio Perez, 27, and Ricardo Melgar, 19, were also arrested for animal cruelty, and Perez was arrested for possession of a controlled substance. All three men were booked into Santa Clara County Jail.
Let me get this straight:
Drunk driving. No license. Booze in the car. Bag of meth. And the goat gets the headline? Are you shittin' me?
Thursday, December 30, 2010
It's Always In Florida
Orlando Sentinel
PARKLAND, Florida — A South Florida doctor has died after authorities say she was accidentally strangled by an electronic neck massager on Christmas Eve. Kenneth Gegerson called 911 after finding his wife's body on the bedroom floor next to the neck massager. Paramedics pronounced 37-year-old Michelle Ferrari-Gegerson dead at the scene. Authorities believe her necklace got caught in the massager and it quickly tightened around her neck. According to Broward Sheriff's authorities, Ferrari-Gegerson spent the evening wrapping gifts and getting ready for work while using the massager to relieve neck pain.
At least her neck isn't sore anymore....
WTF?
HEBRON, Md.- A 22-year-old woman is behind bars after police say she took off all of her clothing and sexually harassed customers and employees inside the Royal Farms convenience store in Hebron.
Jennifer Marie Riegler, of Accomac, Va., is charged with disorderly conduct, indecent exposure, disturbance of the peace, theft less than $100, fourth-degree sex offense, malicious destruction of property valued less than $500 and six counts of second-degree assault. The Wicomico County Sheriff's Office says Riegler's arrest stemmed from an incident alleged to have occurred shortly before 9 a.m., Dec. 18, at the Royal Farms located on the 7900 block of Royalty Way. According to police interviews with store employees, Riegler walked inside the store, removed all of her clothing and strolled naked around the store. Police say she then made sexually suggestive comments to both customers and employees and engaged in sexually suggestive behavior prior to lying on the floor in front of the donut rack. Store employees assisted Riegler with getting dressed and she waited in the parking lot for deputies to arrive. When deputies arrived on the scene, they discovered that Riegler was eating fruit taken from inside the store that she had not purchased. Based on what the store employees reported to the deputies, Riegler was placed under arrest. Police say that when deputies attempted to place Riegler in a patrol car, she kicked one of them in the groin and another in the hand. Riegler was subdued and placed into additional restraints. Riegler was transported to Peninsula Regional Hospital in Salisbury and a warrant was obtained charging her with the aforementioned offenses. She was taken into custody on Dec. 23 and locked up in the Wicomico County Detention Center in lieu of $25,000 bond.
It would appear she was looking for a slurpee....
It would appear she was looking for a slurpee....
Kobe Bryant - Once A Dink, Always A Dink
Not really a fight, just Kobe actin' the punk like he always does. C'mon, Kobe, take a lesson from these chicks and fight like a girl!
The Dolphins Game This Weekend Means Nothing....
Not much to get up for this weekend. After watching KG get hurt in the Celtics game last night, about the only thing worth caring about is that the Pats make it through this little scrimmage healthy. But I need something to get me juiced. Something to care about. Wait, I know - this can be Brian Hoyer weekend!
"Brian, Brian, he's our man...." Aw, fuck it, I just can't get pumped and jacked....
Fame Whore
ThePostChronicle
The woman who shot Joey Buttafuoco's wife has now officially released her own porn video. The new porn flick is called "Amy Fisher Is Sex." The video is now available for pre-order through DreamZone Entertainment. The video features Amy having sex with porn star men. The actors she performs with are Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, Jack Lawrence, and Johnny Castle.
So this is the Long Island Lolita's second porno? Who knew there was a first? Hey douche, crawl back in your hole - your 2 minutes were up like 15 years ago. Pay the fuck attention!
How Scary Is This?
After the game, Doc Rivers seemed optimistic that it was a muscle injury. Doesn't look like a season-ender, but the "Drive for 18" could be in serious jeopardy. We'll have to wait and see....
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Dumb As A Bag Of Hammers
Man accidentally kills wife during sex games
On the night of December 21, Arthur Sedille, 23 claims to have accidentally shoot and killed his wife Rebecca Sedille, 50 during a route sex game the two were playing in their Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, home.
Arthur Sedille claims that during intercourse with his wife one of her fantasies was to have him press a handgun to the side of her head and pull the trigger.
During an interview with the police Sedille said he did not realizes that the Handgun was loaded when he placed it to his wife’s head and pulled the trigger. Arthur Sedille immediately called 911 after the supposed accident the police said.
After being taken into to custody by the police, a Canadian County judge decide to have Sedille held on murder charges, but Sedille has yet to be formally charged.
Assistant district attorney Paul Hess said he still has not received a vital report from police, as of Tuesday and because of that, formal charges against Arthur Sedille have not been filed.
Introducing The Patriots' 2011 Pro Bowlers
Tom Brady
Logan Mankins
Vince Wilfork
Jerod Mayo
Devin McCourty
Brandon Meriweather
P.S. Dan Koppen and Sebastian Vollmer got screwed.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Michael Vick Just Lost The MVP Race
The Eagles lost to the lowly Vikings tonight, 24 - 14. Vick's line:
25/43 263 YDS
1 INT
2 Lost Fumbles (1 returned for a TD)
Some (not me) considered him an MVP candidate heading into the game. Not any more. Enjoy the award QB12!
Dumb As A Bag Of Hammers
The Morning Journal
Intoxicated mother lets kids drink alcohol, too
A highly intoxicated mother of two was arrested for allowing her 12-year-old twins and 13-year-old younger brother to drink alcohol, according to a Lorain police report. Stacy Galvan, 32, was at her 2552 Elyria Ave., Lorain, apartment around 8:58 p.m. Christmas Eve when police heard a loud argument coming from one of the apartments. Galvan was arguing with her 12-year-old twin son and daughter. When police arrived, Galvan’s voice was slurred, and she was moving unsteadily. She then told officers she was intoxicated and had let her children drink and they, too, were intoxicated, the report stated. She added she could no longer handle them and said they are the reason she is an alcoholic. Officers heard a voice crying in the next room and found Galvan’s 13-year-old brother laying in a puddle of vomit. He was fading in and out of consciousness, the report stated. Galvan’s children told police Galvan has temporary custody of them and was watching them and her brother while drinking all evening. She then started giving them alcohol. The twins said they each only had one drink, but said Galvan’s brother kept drinking. The brother was taken to Mercy Regional Medical Center, where he was treated for alcohol poisoning. The twins’ grandmother was called and took custody of them. After being arrested, Galvan vomited in the rear of a police cruiser and later urinated on herself at the police station. She was charged with three counts of endangering children and was taken to Lorain County Jail.
The GREATEST Invention Since The Wheel
No more lines! No more lines! No more lines! No more lines! No more lines! No more lines! No more lines! No more lines! No more lines! No more lines! No more lines! No more lines! No more lines! No more lines!
Monday, December 27, 2010
This Is What Home Field Advantage Looks Like Throughout The Playoffs - Bring It On!!!
And remember, Tom Brady does not lose at home....Bang. Pay attention!
Looks Like This Is What I Gotta Do This Morning...
A little shoveling, maybe some snow angels....And you know, I'm a big fan of snow sculptures....
I'm just not sure if I can get the car out of the driveway....
Oh well, maybe I'll just chill for awhile....
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
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