Britney Spears Is Now Officially Butt-Ugly

Maybe you could throw a flag over her face and do her for your country, but there's no doubting that the evidence is in on this one.  The face has gone to hell.  Just aging and drug-addled looking.  Sorry Brit, I think you've played 18 - time to hit the clubhouse.

Britney Spears Gives A Lapdance In Concert

Maybe the lamest lapdance of all time.  If you're gonna grind on a dude as part of your show, give the people what they want.  Start smushin' your ass and tits and boobs all over the place.  THAT'S a lapdance.  Wanna see how it's done?  Check out the video we just posted before this one.  That's talent in action.  That's a professional at work givin' 110 percent.  That's a five-tool player as opposed to a tool.  All we know about you now is that you suck as a singer and you'd most definitely suck as a stripper.  Two strikes, Brit - swing at anything that's close....

This Kind Of Thing Happens To Me All The Time

Just the other day I was blow-drying my hair and gettin' jiggy to Selena Gomez when one of my roomies caught me with his iPhone. So awkward! I threw some hair product at him, locked the door and danced to my little Selena until I could dance no more. Don't worry bro, your secret is safe here in the Speakeasy....