I Think It's Time To Go, Mom

Dog Survives Fire For Six Hours By Submerging In Bathtub

Mia & Family

WYFF4.COM - A dog survived a raging house fire for six hours by hiding in a water-filled bathtub, according to firefighters. The house that burned was in the relatively new Beaumont subdivision off State Park Road near Mt. Creek Baptist Church. Piedmont Park Fire Capt. Duane Brock said the fire was extremely difficult to extinguish because of the size of the house and the intensity of the flames. Firefighters were able to rescue the dog, a 1-year-old Belgian Malinois named Mia, from the basement of the burning home, according to Brock. Mia's owner, Chris Brumby, was amazed at how the dog survived, but said he knew she was smart. "She acts like a human for most things," Brumby said. "And that kind of showed it. She knew where to go and hide." He said Mia was able to get to a bathtub on the lowest level of the house, where she waited as firefighters doused the home with water. As the water ran down into the basement, it filled the bathtub and soaked Mia, keeping her safe from flames, Brock said. Brumby said the dog has learned how to open doors throughout the house, and that she had to open four doors to get to the bathtub where she was found. He said when firefighters brought her out of the house, she was wet, dazed and covered in soot. "She literally had steam coming off of her," he said...

Well done, Mia. And by that I mean that you're so smart you were able to save yourself from being well done.  Opening 4 doors, finding the bathtub and surviving for 6 hours?  Unbelievable.  Smarter than most people I know.  Canine of the year candidate.  This is the kind of dog you want in your foxhole.  Bravo!

Mad At Your Girlfriend? Get Naked, Smear Shit On Her Door And Try To Set Her Apartment On Fire

Boyfriend's Feces Attack Leads To Arson Arrest

KTLA - A poop-smearing man is now charged with arson after befouling his pregnant ex-girlfriend’s apartment door and setting it on fire, authorities said Tuesday. The messy rampage began round 5:30 a.m. when Rasheen Harrison, 24, stripped naked inside the elevator of his former girlfriend's apartment building on the 300 block of Vanderbilt Ave, according to silive.com. He went straight to her apartment, and, while reportedly screaming obscenities and claiming to be the devil, pasted his own excrement on the door and then tried to ignite it -- using his own clothes to build the fire. Police reportedly arrested a naked and filthy Harrison at the scene of the crime. Safe inside the apartment during the entire episode were his six-months pregnant ex-girlfriend, two children and another person, possibly a man, according to reports. The Daily News reported that Harrison’s poop attack didn’t end there, however. After cops locked him inside a holding cell at the 120th Precinct on Staten Island, the poop Picasso began to smear a feces mural on the walls. The Daily News reports that Harrison, who goes by the nickname of Illuminati, was mad at his ex for stealing his cell phone. Harrison was reportedly taken to Bellevue Hospital for psychiatric observation. Harrison now faces charges of arson, criminal mischief, reckless endangerment, menacing and endangering the welfare of a child, according to Staten Island DA Daniel Donovan.

I'm gonna guess that Illuminati here is gonna have a hard time wooing back his baby-mama. But maybe if he writes a beautiful poem with a heartfelt apology, picks up some roses and a box of chocolates, er wait, candy, throws in a day at the spa and a night of dinner and the movies he might have a chance. Or not.

Voodoo Sex Causes Fire In NYC

Voodoo Ritual, Sex Sparked NYC Fire That Kills 1

NEW YORK- Fire marshals say candles ringed around a bed in a voodoo ceremony in New York City that included sex ignited linens and clothes, causing a fatal apartment fire. The blaze began around 6:40 p.m. local time Sunday when a woman visited a fourth-floor apartment in Brooklyn and paid a man $300 to perform a ceremony to bring her good luck. A city official says the man was known in the neighbourhood as a priest and the two were having sex when the fire started. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing. Instead of calling 911, the man tried to put out the fire using water from a bathroom sink but the fire spread. A 64-year-old woman was found dead and 20 firefighters were injured.

This is why I believe voodoo just might be real. Every once in a while I get a pain somewhere in my body that just doesn't make sense. It's got to be voodoo, right? Now, I understand that lots of people think I'm a douche, but I totally believe that there are some haters out there who have special powers. They have a little statue of the Bahtendah, and they just stick pins in my balls and give me hernias I shouldn't have. It happens to everyone, right? Isn't there some way to get these people to use their powers for good instead of evil?  Bang. Pay the fuck attention!

Really Drunk Guy Talks To Reporters After His House Burns Down

This guy is obviously completely shithoused but I don't blame him at all. If the house that I lived in my whole life just burned down my next stop would be the liquor store, too. A case of Bud's might not even be enough to drown those sorrows. You'd have to be doin' shots in between and I mean tequila, not some pussy shots with a fancy name. As the man says, "Boom." Pay attention!

Dumb As A Bag Of Hammers

It's Always In Florida!

Citra women accused of setting boyfriend's genital area on fire
Ocala.com
A 29-year-old Citra woman was arrested Saturday after she allegedly doused her boyfriend's genital area with gasoline and set him afire. Victoria Eltonya Bynes, of 17355 NE 16th Terrace in Citra, was charged with aggravated battery and was taken to the Marion County Jail, where she bonded out on $10,000 bond early Sunday morning. Her boyfriend, Andrew Williams, 42, of 17360 NE 18th Ave. in Citra, was transported to Shands at the University of Florida in Gainesville with serious injuries. His condition Sunday was unknown. According to Marion County Sheriff reports, Bynes went to Helen Marie Colding's home off Northeast 18th Avenue looking for Williams, her boyfriend. Colding is Williams' mother, and the mother and son live at the same address. Bynes reportedly told Colding, “Your son has some explaining to do,” and left. Bynes then went to the home of Timothy Lewis Galloway, at 2440 NE 167th Place in Citra. Galloway told deputies, who he called to his home, that Bynes had come there and a fight had broken out between her and Williams. Galloway said that Bynes threw a liquid on Williams and lit him on fire. When deputies arrived at the scene, Williams, who smelled of gasoline, was kneeling in the yard, covered in a blanket. He had second- and third-degree burns on his genital area and torso. Williams could not respond because he was in pain. Deputies called for emergency medical services, which transported Williams to Shands. Deputies noticed that the west side of Galloway's yard was burned and smelled of gasoline and that there was a piece of burned cloth inside the burned area.

Trailer + Snow + Accident = Fireworks!

Hot Chick

So I guess Diddy is releasing "Dirty Money" and was broadcasting on Ustream to promote it.  Hot chicks.  Hot tub.  Hot head.  Bang!