Afternoon Fail

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Mother Of The Year Candidate

Nice work, Mommy dearest. Having said that, I can completely understand the desire to sometimes wanna ride roughshod over a teenager. They're the worst. Total pains in the asses. Some of the shit I see teens pullin' with their parents when I'm out and about is unbelievable. I'm not sayin' that the kid deserved it but the kid probably deserved it if ya know what I mean. I say we cut the Mom some slack. If it wasn't caught on video it wouldn't be such a big deal. Hey, it could've even been an accident. Everyone knows women drivers suck.

Awesome Beer Pong Dunk Over A Car

Athleticism - not bad. Execution - pretty good. Creativity - excellent. Rasberry - outstanding. Overall I'm gonna give it a 9 out of 10. Next time, make sure you jump over a KIA!

Car Thief Has Large Set Of Cajones

YouTube - British police have released dramatic footage of a high-speed car chase in which a car thief tried to evade officers by crashing a stolen Mercedes C180 through a rail crossing barrier. The June 2010 incident began when 20-year-old Terence Fowler refused to pull over for police and tried to get away at over 90 miles (145 kilometres) an hour. During the pursuit, Fowler overtook vehicles in the face of oncoming traffic and, at one point, knocked off another car's wing mirror. Police gave up their chase when Fowler smashed through the rail crossing barrier moments before the arrival of a high-speed train. Police found the car abandoned and arrested Fowler after finding his blood on the broken windscreen. Fowler admitted dangerous driving at Peterborough Crown Court and was jailed for 3.5 years on Thursday.

Balls the size of church bells. It takes some serious stones to drive through that train track barrier when you know there's a high-speed train comin' down the pike. I guess some prison time will bring down the swelling.

Woman Charged With Chasing And Beating Victim While 3-Year-Old Was In Her Car

Police: Suffolk woman chased and beat victim with 3-year-old nephew in car

SUFFOLK - A Suffolk woman was charged with felonious assault and abuse and neglect of a child after police say she chased down another woman and beat her up while the suspect's 3-year-old nephew sat in her car.Deiona La'mell Holloman, 24, is also charged with reckless driving and driving on a suspended license. Holloman was the only person charged in the incident, though the police report notes that she was joined by more than a dozen other people who arrived in three vehicles.The incident occurred around 7:30 p.m. on April 7 in the 700 block of Nixon Drive. Debbie George, spokeswoman for the city, said Holloman "used the vehicle she was operating to chase down a female in another vehicle." She said Holloman's 3-year-old nephew was in the car at the time. When the victim stopped her car, George said, Holloman and the others who had arrived at the scene attacked her and another female victim.

Wow. Is this one of the greatest mugshots we've ever had here at the Speakeasy or what? Deiona knows she's in a pantload of trouble and isn't feelin' too good about it. Matter of fact, she looks like she's just seen the devil himself.  Now I don't know what the beef was with the other woman, but attention to detail is what's required here young lady. First, lose the nephew. Second, follow your victim at a leisurely pace like a PI so as not to arouse the suspicions of the local gendarme. Then, and only then, pounce on your unsuspecting target with all 300-plus pounds of your bad self. That's called planning and execution. Just a little Bahtendah wisdom for ya. Pay attention!

Did Notorious B.I.G.'s Rap Producer Get Caught Gettin' A Blowjob From A Dude In A Car?

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The Fight That Never Happens

I don't know what this guy's beef is, but I love the way he flies into the windshield with bad intention. What's even better though, is that when the driver gets out of the car and our little ninja realizes he's about a foot shorter than the dude driving it, he turtles like a pre-schooler. Lots of balls on the little car that can't fight back - not so much on a human who can. Grow a pair, my foreign friend. You're welcome.

Watch This Dude Just Miss Getting Killed By A Car

Some days you feel like there's a piano gonna be fallin' on your head any second as you walk down the street. Other days, you feel like everything you touch turns to gold. Most days, you're somewhere in between and just happy to be breathing. I wonder what the dude in the black suit was thinkin' right before that car came along. "I might have a shot at Pamela Anderson now that she's gettin' gross lookin'." "I hope my wife loses forty pounds." "Is Miley Cyrus old enough to fuck yet?" "My dick itches." "Cats are like dogs except they suck." "Did I just see a piano in the window?" "My dick itches." "Is sorbet really the same as sherbet?" "I'm glad I'm outside so no one will smell that fart." "My dick really itches." So many questions, so little time...

At first I figured these had to be rednecks just messin' around beside the double-wide. But since there's snow on the ground I'm kinda confused. Anyway, it's a good time for some redneck jokes.

You might be a redneck if:

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
Your family tree does not fork.
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
You think Possum is "The Other White Meat."
You think the stock market has a fence around it.

Bang. Pay attention!

I Want This Pool Table So Bad I Can Taste It

Now that's what I call a pool table.  Gonna have to get a few of these puppies for the Speakeasy....

This Is Some Freaky Shit

What's going on here? I see people all day every day who can't even drive with their hands. Just the worst drivers in the world, stopping when they should keep going, cuttin' people off left and right, leaving blinkers on for miles. Now we're gonna let people drive using their brains? Most people have no fuckin' brains. It's the end of the world as we know it....

Stripper AND Mommy Of The Year?

Stripper Left Kids in Car to Hit the Pole

NBCMiami - A South Florida stripper displayed a disturbing amount of dedication to her job recently and has been arrested for leaving her kids in the car outside of a strip club so she could work. Corinthian Williams, 24, has been charged with four counts of child neglect for leaving the children - ages 1, 5, 6 and 9 - unattended in her car, the Sun-Sentinel reported. When police came to arrest Williams on Monday, she was holding her youngest daughter and reportedly told officers "take her. I don't wanna." Authorities believe the Riviera Beach woman made it a habit of leaving her children behind so she could shake her behind at area strip joints...

First of all, how could this chick possibly be making enough money stripping to support four kids? Unless she has the body of Brooklyn Decker (doubtful), there just ain't no way. Kids eat like motherfuckers. Their metabolism runs so high they eat more food than a bear gettin' ready to hibernate. I have a suggestion for our Mommy/Stripper of the year: Get a job at your local convenience store. I'm convinced you'll make more money, and if you play your cards right, you can swipe a few snacks from time to time and feed those hungry shorties like nobody's business. Bang. Pay the fuck attention!

Demetrius "Hook" Mitchell Was Dunking Over Cars Way Before Blake Griffin

Blake Griffin's performance in the NBA All-Star game was cool, but it certainly wasn't original. Check out my man Hook Mitchell, just flyin' all over the universe like a man with a jetpack. And the dude was only 5'9"! Sick....

Next Time, Get Busy IN THE CAR!

Careful Driving This Morning!

Morning Quickie

Ballin'

Careful Driving Out There Today

...And then there's this:

"Hungary" For Pleasure

Pestiside
Mild Weekend Weather Leads to Man's Mid-Night Motor Vehicle Masturbation Session


A man was arrested by police after he was discovered nakedly masturbating in his car in Kaposvár. The man was noticed by a sixteen year old girl on her way home from a party, who said that because the lights were on inside the vehicle, she could see the man pleasuring himself. Police arrested the guy after the girl borrowed a phone from passersby to give them a ring.

First of all, turn the fucking lights OFF, bro.  Now, I have no idea what this Pestiside site is all about except that it has lots of news from Hungary. But here's the question: What does the "warm weather" have to do with tossing one off in the car? Like, if it's colder, do Hungarians move this action to the bowling alley? Keep me the fuck out of Hungary. Oh, and one final thought:  dude was working the stick shift while the car was an automatic. Bang. Pay attention!