UPDATE: Female Rugby Fan Who Pissed In Her Seat Gets Busted

AUSTRALIA - The long arm of the law has caught up with a woman over a very public pee at the State of Origin rugby league decider. Footy fans used mobile phone cameras to film a woman pulling down her pants and urinating on her seat during last week's match at Suncorp Stadium. The footage was posted on YouTube and attracted thousands of viewers. Police today said they'd charged a 44-year-old Petrie woman with urinating in a public place. She's due to face the Brisbane Magistrates Court on July 28. Stadium managers were able to identify the seat number from CCTV camera footage, allowing police to track her down. The clip, posted to and taken off YouTube last Thursday, showed her listening to post-match speeches high in the stands. It drew howls of protest, disgust and laughter from the online community, with Twitter users coining the hashtag #pissgate. A Queensland Police Service spokeswoman last week told The Courier-Mail the case was unusual. "Those type of offences are (usually) the sort of thing we'd give some a ticket for at the time. It's a bit of an unusual one." After being removed from YouTube, it resurfaced on (ironically) LiveLeak and other websites. YouTube posted the reason for its removal. "This video has been removed as a violation of YouTube's policy on shocking and disgusting content," it said.

YouTube has no balls and no sense of humor.  Here at the Speakeasy, our standards are completely different.  If it's hilarious, it's gettin' posted.  And this clip is fuckin' hilarious.  End of story.  Bang.  Done.  Pay attention!

Woman Stabs Boyfriend For Spending Too Much Time In The Restroom - But There's A Kicker!

NAPLESNEWS - A 46-year-old Immokalee woman faces charges of stabbing her boyfriend after an argument that began with how much time he spent in a restroom, deputies say. Mary Ramos Martin, of the 100 block of 3rd Street North, Immokalee, was arrested by Collier County sheriff's deputies Saturday pending charges of domestic violence. Martin was accused of stabbing her boyfriend with a 10-inch knife, leaving a gash in his chest that was about 1 foot long, and stabbing him again, leaving another 6-inch cut, according to reports. Ramos Martin then drove away from their home where deputies caught her fleeing the scene in a cream-colored Ford Explorer. The argument began regarding her boyfriend spending time in the public community restroom around a woman who was nude, according to reports.

I think orange is a good color on her, don't you?  Anyway, I didn't really understand this one until I read that last sentence.  But what is spending time "around" a nude woman?  And why was she nude?  Was the boyfriend nude also?  These are the details we need.  Otherwise, how can I tell whether Mary Ramos Martin should rot in jail or if I should be sendin' her a little bail money.  So many questions, so little time....

Woman Bites Penis - It Doesn't Bite Back

Police: Woman bit boyfriend's penis during argument

PRESS-CITIZEN - Police said a woman bit her boyfriend’s penis during an argument earlier this month. According to Coralville Police, officers responded to 617 Fourth Ave. on April 11 after a 911 call came from that residence. Police said 32-year-old Lucina V. Kinder and her live-in boyfriend got in an argument that escalated when Kinder punched her boyfriend – who is not identified – in the face, scratched his shoulder and then bit his penis, causing it to bleed. The two have been living together for more than a year, police said. Kinder was arrested this week and charged with domestic assault without intent to cause injury, a serious misdemeanor.

I'll say it's a serious misdemeanor, and I don't like this Miss' Demeanor.  I think Lucinda should be a little "kinder."  (See how I did that? That's professional interwebberblogging right there, folks.)

Anyway, are there two worse words to see in a sentence than "penis" and "bite?"  Well, maybe "penis" and "machete" but that's another story for another day.  The question is, will Lucinda use the Hunger Defense?  Like, "Your Honor, I was famished and my man's Johnson just looked so good I couldn't resist the urge to take a little nibble." Word to the wise, Lucy. I don't think I'd try it.  Keep those lips shut for once.

Newspaper-Wielding British Woman Beats Down "Garbage Man"

I'd say our little bowling-ball Brit pretty much rolls one down the middle here. That dude has so much newsprint on his face he should start singin' Al Jolson tunes. I'm not exactly sure what the beef is, unless it's towing that dumpster on her property, but if this dude does it again he better bring some security guards. Stubby lady got game!

Naked woman arrested on Phoenix light rail train

Phoenix - A transient has been arrested after stripping on a light rail train in Phoenix and then allegedly hitting and spitting on a Phoenix police officer trying to arrest her. Police say 25-year-old Nicole Annette Antone removed all of her clothing while the train was moving Wednesday night near 19th Avenue and Camelback Road. Authorities believe Antone was under the influence of drugs at the time. Officers tried to arrest Antone, but they say she twisted and pulled her body to avoid being taken into custody. She's accused of spitting on and hitting the face and hair of a police officer. The Arizona Republic says Antone was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault of an officer, indecent exposure, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. It's unclear whether she has a lawyer yet.

What is it about trains? They've lonf been a Freudian symbol for sex, especially the image of a train going into a tunnel. No mention of a tunnel here, but ya gotta wonder if maybe Nicole started gettin' a little moist in the crotchal area if the train was rumblin' and bumblin' toward some underpass. Can't blame her - we all get urges. I feel ya, Nicole.  All aboard!

Old Lady Leads Police On A Chase Through McDonald's Drive-Thru

Instead of pulling over for police, Coral Springs woman pulls into McDonald’s drive-thru, orders lunch

PALM BEACH POST - Flashing police lights apparently couldn't stop a Coral Springs woman with a fast-food craving. Police say when an officer tried to pull over Roberta Spen, 64, Monday for having faulty brake lights, she instead pulled into a McDonald's drive-thru lane and ordered lunch. The bizarre exchange happened along University Drive just south of Atlantic Boulevard at about 2 p.m., and it spawned an all-out police pursuit. Officer Courtney Vassell pulled up behind Spen in the drive-thru lane, and got out of the patrol car. With police lights flashing behind him, he told her to pull out into the parking lot for a traffic stop, according to a police report. Spen, though, completed her food order, paid the bill, and then drove her bronze 2001 Chevrolet out of the parking lot and onto Northwest Sixth Court, Vassell said. Vassell again flipped on his siren and stopped Spen outside the McDonald's, where he said she "rolled her window down one inch and said she was not speeding and she would not roll her window down." Spen also refused to hand over her driver's license, vehicle registration and proof of insurance, then drove away from Vassell, police said. Vassell got back in his patrol car, flipped on his emergency lights — again — and followed Spen as she turned north onto Northwest 98th Avenue, east onto Atlantic and then north on University Drive. Several other police officers joined in the pursuit. Although the police lights did not stop Spen, a red light at University and Ramblewood Drive did, and several officers attempted to box in Spen's car. Somehow, though, Spen was able to drive in reverse out of the box and continued driving north on University, police said. Spen finally stopped at the Mobil gas station at 1351 University Drive., where officers again surrounded her car. This time, when she refused to leave the car, the officers went in and got her — smashing the driver's side window and pulling her out, police said. After a quick check-up at Coral Springs Medical Center, Spen was taken to a Broward jail, arrested on charges of fleeing and eluding, resisting arrest without violence and driving with defective equipment.Police said on the arrest report that they found no indication Spen was under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time of the chase, and they could find no explanation for why Spen, who before her arrest Monday had no criminal record in Florida, didn't just pull over. In bond court Tuesday Judge John "Jay" Hurley ordered her release under the condition she submit to a mental health evaluation. Spen could not be reached for comment Tuesday evening.

Pretty defiant old broad, huh? I mean she's like "I got bad brake lights? Fuck off!" In some ways she's right. It's the old argument that the cops should be chasin' real criminals instead of little old ladies with no brake lights. And why the need to call in other officers? You couldn't take down this menace to society by yourself? She's 64-years-old and isn't even speeding. This is the kind of roughneck that has you callin' for backup and smashin' in her window? C'mon dudes, she's probably someone's grandma. Just seems like there could've been a better way.

Woman Charged With Chasing And Beating Victim While 3-Year-Old Was In Her Car

Police: Suffolk woman chased and beat victim with 3-year-old nephew in car

SUFFOLK - A Suffolk woman was charged with felonious assault and abuse and neglect of a child after police say she chased down another woman and beat her up while the suspect's 3-year-old nephew sat in her car.Deiona La'mell Holloman, 24, is also charged with reckless driving and driving on a suspended license. Holloman was the only person charged in the incident, though the police report notes that she was joined by more than a dozen other people who arrived in three vehicles.The incident occurred around 7:30 p.m. on April 7 in the 700 block of Nixon Drive. Debbie George, spokeswoman for the city, said Holloman "used the vehicle she was operating to chase down a female in another vehicle." She said Holloman's 3-year-old nephew was in the car at the time. When the victim stopped her car, George said, Holloman and the others who had arrived at the scene attacked her and another female victim.

Wow. Is this one of the greatest mugshots we've ever had here at the Speakeasy or what? Deiona knows she's in a pantload of trouble and isn't feelin' too good about it. Matter of fact, she looks like she's just seen the devil himself.  Now I don't know what the beef was with the other woman, but attention to detail is what's required here young lady. First, lose the nephew. Second, follow your victim at a leisurely pace like a PI so as not to arouse the suspicions of the local gendarme. Then, and only then, pounce on your unsuspecting target with all 300-plus pounds of your bad self. That's called planning and execution. Just a little Bahtendah wisdom for ya. Pay attention!

Nude Woman Rescued High Above Nude Beach, Naturally

 

On the bluff and in the buff! When the 911 call came in for this one, how many firemen do you think volunteered for the assignment? Just wonderin'....

Woman Bites Off Man's Testicles

Maria Topp

Mother 'bit off boyfriend's testicles' in drunken 4am attack

ENGLAND - A mother-of-four has appeared in court accused of biting off her boyfriend's testicles in a drunken attack. Martin Douglas, 45, underwent emergency surgery to reattach his genitals after the alleged attack by Maria Topp. Mr Douglas, a DJ, called 999 in excruciating pain and operators struggled to understand what he was saying. Paramedics who attended his flat in Newcastle called police and Topp was arrested. She has since appeared in court charged with GBH over the February 18 incident in which Mr Douglas was also injured in the arm, the Daily Mirror reported. The victim was forced to spend several days in hospital recovering from his injuries. A police spokesman: 'At around 4am on Friday, February 18, police were called to a report of an assault. 'Officers attended and arrested a 43-year-old woman on suspicion of assault. 'A 45-year-old man was taken to the Freeman hospital for treatment to injuries to his arm and groin area. 'Police have since charged Maria Georgina Topp, 43, with causing GBH.'Topp, of Gateshead, will appear at Newcastle Crown Court next month.

Where to begin? Okay, let's start:

1. Look at the choppers on this vampire. Impressive. You can fit a straw through most Brits' front teeth.
2. How can you possibly let a woman bite off the baby-makers? She must have a clamp like a pitbull.
3. Do they taste like chicken?
4. Do raw balls taste better than cooked balls?
5. One at a time, or both in one bite?
6. Did she spit out the hair?
7. Did she try to swallow or was she just gonna spit 'em across the room?
8. How many punches to the head did she take?
9. Is it ironic that you live in "Gateshead?" Obviously no gates on that head.
10. What. The. Fuck?

I'm done.

Watch This Chick Get Rapped In The Grill (Over And Over And Over Again)

I'm not sure if this is real or fake, but that's not the point with this clip. Wanna have some fun? Once the video starts to play, press 4 on your keyboard and watch this chick get slapped in the teeth until you can't stand it anymore. Now that's what I call outstanding cubicle entertainment. Bang. You're welcome.

Yup, It's Florida

Woman strips naked in men's room at Sarasota bar

SARASOTA, Fla. - Investigators say a woman was arrested after stripping naked at a Sarasota bar. According to the Sarasota County Sheriff's Office, 34-year-old Traci Batcher was at the Thirsty Turtle when she went into the men's restroom and took off all her clothes. She then tried to walk back into the main bar area when the manager stopped her and told her to put her clothes back on. When she refused, the manager called 9-1-1. A responding deputy found Batcher locked in the men's room. When the manager unlocked the door, she came out topless. WWSB reports she told the deputy, "You don't understand, I have been married since I was 13 years old and have been married for 16 years." Batcher was arrested and charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.

Pretty harmless story, right? But there are some interesting details here that caught my eye. First of all, love the name of the bar - "Thirsty Turtle." Just a great name. But secondly, what is Traci talking about how she was married at 13? I know it's Florida, but are girls allowed to get married at 13? This needs to be checked out a little further. And finally, why aren't I ever in a bar where chicks are walking around naked? And I don't mean a strip joint, I mean just a regular bar. Gotta go - heading down to the nearest Thirsty Turtle I can find...

PS - What's that shit on Traci's chin?

Would This Stop You From Having Sex Forever?

Woman Dies After Intercourse With BF
JournalOnline - THE penis of her boyfriend was still stuck in her vagina when she had seizure after having an intercourse with him and died in bed beside him inside a hotel in Quezon City Friday past midnight. Case investigator Police Officer 2 Jogene Hernandez said the 38-year-old woman apparently died of seizure after complaining of difficulty in breathing. The couple checked in at Walnut Hotel in Bgy. E Rodriguez at around 9 p.m. on Thursday but the incident happened at around 12:30 a.m. Friday. The woman’s 43-year-old boyfriend said the former even hugged and kissed him after their intercourse. But the woman suddenly had a seizure and could not breathe. The boyfriend then phoned the room boys of the hotel for assistance. According to Hernandez, doctors at the East Avenue Medical Center still attempted but failed to revive the woman. Based on the statement of the boyfriend, the woman had no illness prior to the incident.

Yup, I'd have to think about never boinking again. You get your freak on and she dies? That's some serious brain damage right there. Years of therapy and counseling ahead. On the other hand, you'd still get horny, right? Okay, I guess it's back up on the horse again. Maybe just wait until after the funeral....

Saudi Woman Cuts Off Husband's Penis

eitb - According to Basque newspaper DEIA, a woman in Saudi Arabia cut off her husband's penis with a knife while he slept because he was intending to marry again. The injured man was rushed to hospital following the attack, which he has managed to survive. He is now receiving treatment in a specialist unit. According to Muslim tradition, Saudi law allows men to be married to up to four wives at a time. The female assailant, who repeatedly begged her husband not to take a second wife, will now be tried according to Saudi Law. The case has raised huge debate in Saudi Arabia, a country which lives according to the edicts of Sharia Law, which dictates strict roles for men and women. It seems many of the country's men request the death penalty for their jealous wives, while a number of Saudi women hope this recent incident persuades men to think twice before choosing to taking another wife.

Why the big debate? If the law says you can have four wives, then you can have four wives. No complaining, no nagging, no castrating! Personally, I think one wife is sometimes more than enough. Honey-do lists, monthly "friends," waiting forever for them to get ready, having them ask you all the time "Does this make me look fat?", lousy driving and the list goes on. I can't imagine what this shit would be like four times over. But hey, the Mormons do it, and I guess the Arabs do, too. If you don't like the rules, change 'em! Let Ahab keep his wanker.  Bang. Pay attention!

I Did Not See This Coming

Thank goodness for loose pants. Otherwise this video may not have been appropriate for YouTube. Hidden talents - you just never know....

Nice Two-tor ;-)

Yup, It's Florida

News-Press
Bonita Springs woman arrested after cocaine falls out of her bra
A Subway employee in Bonita Springs was charged with cocaine possession following her shift Thursday night. Brandy Lee Segroves, 26, of 12122 Sunset Strip, was seen by a deputy in an unmarked car exit the rear of the 10347 Bonita Beach Road restaurant and approach red four-door Nissan.The deputy then watched Segroves hand over cash to the driver of the car in exchange for an unknown item that she then tucked into her bra. “It is my experience that females possession drugs sometimes hide those drugs in their bra to prevent male law enforcement officers from finding them,” the deputy said in the arrest report. As Segroves was leaving for the night, the deputy approached her and asked her what she purchased. Segroves said she didn’t buy anything and was “just adjusting her bra.” The deputy then asked her to shake out her bra. She complied and five small pieces of crack cocaine weighing approximately one gram hit the floor. She was then arrested and taken to jail.


She had rocks in her over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.  Sorry, couldn't resist.  And by the way, this completely explains why Subway sandwiches always suck.  Smoke some crack, make some tuna fish, smoke some crack, make the meatballs, smoke some crack, grill a steak and cheese, smoke some crack, punch out and go home.  Rinse.  Repeat.  Bang.  Pay attention!

Irish Tribute

Does This Mean She Drops Pillows In The Toilet?

Dumb As A Bag Of Hammers

Quincy Herald-Whig
Woman wanted on federal drug charge falls through ceiling while trying to hide from police

A woman wanted on a federal drug charge tried to hide from police during a search of 1126 1/2 N. Sixth on Thursday, but she fell through the ceiling of an attic. Carlye R. Harrison, 19, was arrested on charges of possession of methamphetamine and unlawful production of methamphetamine/methamphetamine waste. She was lodged in the Adams County Jail. More arrests are pending. The U.S. Federal Fugitive Task Force and Adams County Sheriff's Department went to the address and were permitted inside. Deputies said a meth lab with finished product was found inside the residence, and numerous items used in meth manufacturing were found in trash bags inside the house. The Illinois State Police Methamphetamine Response Team was called to assist.

WTF?

Eastern Iowa News Now

Charges filed against woman found naked in public after car accident
IOWA CITY — Charges have been filed against a Brighton woman who police allegedly found naked in public after she crashed her vehicle into an Iowa City building in March. According to a criminal complaint, 21-year-old Amber D. Dittrich drove off the roadway and hit a building located at 1000 Clinton Street on March 30, 2010. After the crash, officers allegedly found Dittrich at the intersection of McCollister Boulevard and Old Highway 218 with no clothes on. Police said Dittrich had an injury to her ankle and was taken to the hospital for the injury. It was later requested that Dittrich take a urine sample which came back positive for marijuana. Dittrich has been charged with operating while intoxicated for the incident.

Must've been some really good weed....