KFC
Dear Dwyane Wade,
We couldn't help but notice your recent tweet about looking for a new line of work in light of the lockout. We're always looking for folks with precisely your qualifications — initiative, teamwork and the ability to make buckets in a hurry.
We've always been proud to call you a former KFC employee and, it goes without saying we'd love to have you back on our team dishing out the World's Best Chicken, like you dish out assists on the court.
Our offer: Come serve as an honorary captain at a local KFC drive-thru window. And, while we can't match your most recent salary, we'll honor your KFC service by making a donation in your name to Colonel's Scholars, a charity providing young people with much needed college scholarships, if you accept. How's that for a slam dunk?
So let us know if you're ready to suit up for our squad (as you'll remember, we've got some pretty cool uniforms). Our original coach, the legendary Colonel Sanders, knew a thing or two about buckets. And who knows, if you make a KFC-team comeback, we might just share some of his secrets with you.
We'll keep your headset waiting.
Sincerely,
John Cywinski
General Manager, KFC U.S.
Take the job, Dywane. As long as Bron-Bron is your teammate and Coach "Spo" is your coach you're not winning anything any time soon anyway. Might as well get a head start on that second career. I'm just surprised that you're more of a KFC guy than a Popeye's guy. Popeye's wins hands down all day every day.
PS - All kidding aside, take the job. It's for charity you prick.
