Monday, February 28, 2011

Bree Olson Defends Charlie Sheen While Allegedly On Vacation With Him


GenesisOnline - While allegedly still vacationing with Charlie Sheen, his ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, and rumored new girlfriend, model/ex-nanny, Natalie Kenly in the Bahamas, Olson took to her Twitter this weekend to defend the A-List star’s recent media outbursts saying:
“I don’t do drugs and neither does anybody around me. I used to drink occasionally and don’t even do that anymore. Yeah, I love sex, so what?”
Since Friday, Sheen’s so-called “wild antics” are reportedly the cause of his top-rated television show, ‘Two and a Half Men” to shut down production until he gets better. Rumor has it, that the show has been canceled for good. Dr. Drew Pinksy, an addiction specialist to the stars is saying that despite Olson’s defense that Sheen is clean, Sheen is portraying, “Bi-polar, manic symptoms.”

So Charlie's vacationing in the Bahamas with three chicks. Why are people worried about him again? Damn, my life sucks....

Cops: Argument Over Beer Turns Into Machete Attack

TAMPA - An argument over beer turned into a machete attack over the weekend, police say. Officers received a report of an attack in progress at 1613 1/2 East 24th Avenue around 9:30 p.m. Friday. When they arrived, Ricardo Watson, 64, had been cut three times. "The officers were able to grab the defendant and take her into custody," according to a statement. The suspect is identified as Veronica Watson, 45. She and Ricardo Watson are brother and sister-in-law and have lived at the residence for several years, the statement said. Ricardo Watson was hospitalized with non-life threatening injuries. Veronica Watson faces aggravated battery charges.

Not cool, Veronica, not cool. Let me drop a little wisdom on ya. Bahtendah wisdom. Beer, my little machete-wielding cutie, is for sharing. Grab a couple of cold ones, hang with your peeps, shit on the neighbors in the double-wide trailer next door and ride the buzz. Machetes are not part of the equation, never will be. If and when you get bailed out, I'll give you a do-over. But lose the machete and work on your sharing. Pay attention!

PS - Where are all these machetes coming from?  And what are they used for when you're not slicing up a relative?  Is there that much jungle in Orlando that everyone in that hell-hole is whacking their way to work in the morning?

Man Dead In Walmart Parking Lot For Days

ORLANDO - A man was found dead in his van just a few feet away from the entrance to a Walmart, and police said he may have been there for days. Shoppers said they noticed Luis Ramirez living in his van in the South Semoran Boulevard shopping plaza for several weeks. The 70-year-old was found slumped over his steering wheel about noon Sunday. For the crowd that gathered and the few that had seen him before, it was tough to watch. Many were afraid they had watched him slowly starve to death. "I see him ducking down and he's got his like clothes hung up inside the van he should go to a shelter or hospital or something," said shopper Lamont Bagley. It will be up to the medical examiner to try to figure out how Ramirez died and when but police don't suspect foul play.

And once again, this is why Florida, the penis of America, needs to be cut off. Are you freakin' kiddin' me? People were walking past this dude for weeks, parked right in front of the store entrance and nobody called the cops, nobody told the store management, nobody said a word? There must have been tens of thousands of customers that saw what was goin' on and - nothing. Nobody smelled anything?  Oh, that's right, it's Florida.  Already smells like shit.  Time to castrate Florida. Bang. Pay attention!

Escalator Gone Wild!

Bahtendah advice - take the friggin' stairs! Bang Pay attention!

Daily Dime #2

Save Tits Out Tuesday!

Tits on Trial

NTNews - TITS out Tuesday is not adult entertainment, it is just young men and women "having a laugh." That is what lawyer John Lawrence told the Licensing Commission. The infamous wet T-shirt competition at a Darwin nightclub - known by patrons as Tits out Tuesday - is on trial for allegedly breaching adult entertainment guidelines. Mr Lawrence, who represents Discovery nightclub, said those guidelines are meant for strippers, not women taking part in a wet T-shirt competition. "It is for professional strippers performing in bars full of men ... it is not there to address young, adult women voluntarily agreeing to take part in a competition - it is there to keep the blokes back," Mr Lawrence said. Tom Anderson, lawyer for the Director of Licensing, said the club should be suspended from trading for a period of time as punishment for the alleged breaches.

Let's go mates, get the movement started! Who knew the Aussies were such prudes? Tits out Tuesdays sounds like the perfect way to break up the work week down under. Power to the people!  Free the boobs! Free the boobs! Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!

Afternoon Refreshment

Dad Shoots Self, Son Shoots Mom - WTF?

Mother Accidentally Shot by Son, Father also Injured

BAY MINETTE, Ala. - The Baldwin County Sheriff's Office said a small child accidentally shot his mother, after finding the gun near his injured father's side. Around 9:00 p.m. the BCSO was alerted of the shooting at 4621 old Carney Road in Bay Minette. When they arrived to the home they found Allen and Aleisha Jones injured by gunshot. The couples two small children were at the residence when the incident happened. Their daughter was upstairs asleep at the time of the incident. When questioned by authorities, Mr. Jones stated he had taken his Glock .40 handgun from the glove compartment of his truck. He was walking to the house when he tripped and fell, then accidentally shot himself in the leg just above the knee. Jones yelled to his wife for help. Aleisha was upstairs bathing their young son when she heard her husband's call for help. When she arrived on the screened porch, she tried to secure the gun but her son beat her to the gun. After attempting to take the gun from the child, a round was fired. Aleisha was hit in the left side of her neck. A neighbor heard the gunshots and cries for help and came to Aleisha's aid. Her Husband called 911. When authorities arrived, Allen and Aleisha were transported to USA in Mobile. Investigators say both individuals stories parallel each other. At last report, the Jones' were in stable condition. Injuries do not appear to be life threatening. There are no charges at this time.

Am I the only one not buying this? Why was the dude bringing his Glock into the house? My bet is that he was gonna go postal on the whole family or at least the wife. No safety on? Finger on the trigger? It says here Mr. Jones was up to no good. Pay attention! (And get the women and children out of the house!)

Wanna Take A Wild Bike Ride In Chile?

Next stop - vomit bag. Some parts of the course actually look like they're not wide enough to fit through. Impressive,

Anybody Else Work Out During Lunch Hour?

Rock on, you bat-shit crazy old dude! Where do you keep the ecstasy and glow-sticks!

You Know You're A Redneck....

(Insert appropriate punchline here)

Who Would You Bang? Oscar Nominees Edition - Michelle Williams Vs. Amy Adams

Sorry Amy, I'm going with Michelle on this one. Something about that short hair just made it move.

Jewelry Store Owner Takes Matters Into His Own Hands

This guy's got balls the size of church-bells. One of the thieves has a gun and the owner just doesn't give a shit. Try to rob me? I don't think so. See, I haven't paid my insurance premiums, so you're stealing right off the family dinner table here and that just ain't gonna happen. Great job Mr. Shopkeep - first round at the Speakeasy's on me.

Guy Washes His Hands With Piss And A Urinal Cake

Has this guy never seen one of those blue things before? Now, I'm tempted to cut him some slack 'cause it seems like he's in a foreign country and we all know they do some seriously strange shit in foreign countries. But a piss trough is a piss trough and a urinal cake is a urinal cake pretty much all over the world. Final verdict - you're a moron. Bang! Pay attention.

If This Doesn't Get You Thinking About Warm Weather, Nothing Will

Panama's starting to look like a place I need to be....

This Kind Of Thing Happens To Me All The Time

Just the other day I was blow-drying my hair and gettin' jiggy to Selena Gomez when one of my roomies caught me with his iPhone. So awkward! I threw some hair product at him, locked the door and danced to my little Selena until I could dance no more. Don't worry bro, your secret is safe here in the Speakeasy....

The Porniest Non-Porn Scene Ever

Are there egg freaks out there? Like are Rex Ryan and his wife making these kinds of videos? They must be, right? If I do the research am I gonna find websites and magazines that focus on egg sex? So many questions, so little time....

Daily Dime

Yup, That's Coco, Ice-T's wifey....

I Want This Pool Table So Bad I Can Taste It

Car Pool Table

Now that's what I call a pool table.  Gonna have to get a few of these puppies for the Speakeasy....

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Craziest/Drunkest/Best Chef On The Planet - Real Food For Real Men

He goes by the handle Papercuts777 on YouTube. He's bat-shit crazy and entertaining as hell. His videos are outrageous and so is his food. I dare you to have more fun watching someone cook. I've made his stuff - it's awesome. The dude deserves a cooking show on HBO. Pay attention!

It's Saturday Night Speakeasies, Time To Boogie!

Just remember to keep your head on a swivel. Dancing is a contact sport. Oh, and somebody get this chick a helmet.

Voodoo Sex Causes Fire In NYC

Firefighters stand on the fire escape as winds whip the flames from a five-alarm fire in the Brooklyn borough of New York late Saturday Feb. 19, 2011. (AP / Paul Martinka)

Voodoo Ritual, Sex Sparked NYC Fire That Kills 1

NEW YORK- Fire marshals say candles ringed around a bed in a voodoo ceremony in New York City that included sex ignited linens and clothes, causing a fatal apartment fire. The blaze began around 6:40 p.m. local time Sunday when a woman visited a fourth-floor apartment in Brooklyn and paid a man $300 to perform a ceremony to bring her good luck. A city official says the man was known in the neighbourhood as a priest and the two were having sex when the fire started. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing. Instead of calling 911, the man tried to put out the fire using water from a bathroom sink but the fire spread. A 64-year-old woman was found dead and 20 firefighters were injured.

This is why I believe voodoo just might be real. Every once in a while I get a pain somewhere in my body that just doesn't make sense. It's got to be voodoo, right? Now, I understand that lots of people think I'm a douche, but I totally believe that there are some haters out there who have special powers. They have a little statue of the Bahtendah, and they just stick pins in my balls and give me hernias I shouldn't have. It happens to everyone, right? Isn't there some way to get these people to use their powers for good instead of evil?  Bang. Pay the fuck attention!

This Is Some Freaky Shit

What's going on here? I see people all day every day who can't even drive with their hands. Just the worst drivers in the world, stopping when they should keep going, cuttin' people off left and right, leaving blinkers on for miles. Now we're gonna let people drive using their brains? Most people have no fuckin' brains. It's the end of the world as we know it....

Friday, February 25, 2011

Terrific Clips Of Reporters To End The Week

Enjoy the weekend, Speakeasies!

Daily Dime #2

This Guy Has A Great Left

Did not see that coming. Neither did she.

Serious Horsepower

This is pretty cool. Too bad this Amish dude won't be able to go on the interblog and see how many people are watching his video.

Afternoon Refreshment

One Of The Best Faceplants I've Ever Seen

If you look really closely, you can see this dude shake his head a little bit just as he's about to go down. Priceless. You're already in the stocks, your pants are down around you ankles and now comes an outstanding faceplant. What do you think the odds are that his girlfriend broke up with him that day too? That's a triple threat right there. Bravo. 10 out of 10. Bang. Pay attention!

I Love The Sound Of Breaking Glass

Cooks Gone Wild

Editing is a beautiful thing isn't it? But I'd still betcha that Paula is a demon in the sack. Probably let ya eat while you're doin' her too. Nirvana!

What Is Pussy Furry?

Gotta be a Freudian slip, right. Chick must be more hairy than a sherpa's hat.

Man Caught Holding Pink Panties Sentenced In Break-in

SAGINAW, Mich. - A man who authorities say broke into a Saginaw-area woman's home and was caught naked from the waist down holding a pair of pink panties has been sentenced to a year in jail. Saginaw County Circuit Judge Darnell Jackson this week sentenced 35-year-old Jayson K. Berde for second-degree home invasion and resisting and obstructing a police officer causing injury. Berde earlier pleaded guilty in the case. In exchange, an initial charge of first-degree home invasion was dropped. Authorities say he broke into a woman's home March 17 in Saginaw County's Thomas Township, and apparently knew her through an ex-boyfriend. Police caught him nearby, and an officer suffered minor abrasions trying to apprehend him.

Is this the definition of Karma, or what? You see, after Jayson here meets his new boyfriend in the greybar hotel, he'll be able to spend the next year doing exactly what he was arrested for. Imagine, a whole year of standing naked from the waist down (or maybe bending over), holding a pair of pink panties. Enjoy the vacation. Bang. Pay attention!

Two Men Try To Steal Beer Right In Front Of LA Deputies

LA MIRADA - Two men apparently didn't notice four Los Angeles sheriff's deputies inside a convenience store when they attempted a snack and beer heist. A video surveillance tape released Wednesday shows the men entering the Chevron Food Mart in La Mirada just before 4 a.m. on Jan. 23 and rushing out with $18.76 worth of snacks and beer. The deputies had parked their squad cars on the side of the store and were walking around inside about 30 seconds before the thieves entered. Deputies chased the men and captured them before they got into a car. The Orange County Register says 29-year-old Jacob Wallace of Costa Mesa and 19-year-old Robert Martin of Victorville are charged with burglary and petty theft. They have been released pending a court hearing.

Here's Why Trading Kendrick Perkins Was A Great Move By Danny Ainge And The Celtics

Bahtendah Wisdom - Pay Attention!

Kendrick Perkins sucks.  That's right, I just said what no one else in Boston is willing to say.  Everyone is crying about how the Celtics will miss his size and rebounding come playoff time and I'm here to tell you they won't miss him at all.  In fact, I like their chances to win Banner 18 better now than I did before the trade.

Yes, Perk has size.  But that's it.  He has some of the worst hands I've ever seen on a big man.  He drops passes all the time and he gets stripped more often than a terrorist trying to get past the TSA.  He also has the worst hops of any big man in the NBA besides perhaps Shaq, but Shaq is like 72 years old.  I can't recall seeing a center get his shot blocked more often than Perkins.  He's a terrible foul shooter and he racks up far too many T's.  The real reason he looks good at times is because he plays with 4 All-Stars.  I'd look good playing with 4 All-Stars.  Perk himself has never been an All-Star and I don't think he ever will be

Nenad Krstic has far more skills than Perkins can ever hope to have.  He's just as big as Perk and he's a far better shooter from the floor and the line.  He's also a better passer and I think he'll get as many rebounds as Perkins, unless Doc has him spreading the floor to open up things for the likes of Pierce, Garnett and Rondo.

Think about it:  We traded a guy who was drafted 27th overall (Perkins) for a guy drafted 5th overall (Green) and a guy drafted 24th overall (Krstic).  That's right, Nenad Krstic was drafted higher than Perkins.  Now, Nate Robinson was also part of the deal, but can anyone honestly say they're going to miss him?  I don't think so.  He's done nothing all year long and with Delonte West getting healthy, the Celts have a much better option to back up Rondo.  Delonte is a far better player at the point than Nate, who's a 2-guard trapped in the body of a 1.  Delonte plays defense, Nate doesn't.

The steal of this trade could be Green.  He's young, athletic and averages 15 points a game in an offense that's dominated by Kevin Durant.  I can't wait to see what kind of damage he can do on a team that loves to share the rock.

It's true that one of the reasons the Celtics lost in Game 7 to the Lakers last year is that Perkins was hurt.  But he's now been replaced by Shaquille O'Neal, Jermaine O'Neal and Nenad Krstic.  Throw in the additions of Jeff Green and Delonte West and I call that a serious upgrade.  Relax Celtics Nation, we just got better.  Bang.  Pay attention!

PS - Remember Danny Ainge still has 3 open roster spots to fill.  More upgrades on the way - I just pray Rasheed Wallace isn't one of them.


Who knew fencing was such a risky sport? Maybe it's the fact that this dude doesn't have an epee, a face-mask, a funny white suit or any padding. Wait a second, if he did actually have all that stuff, he probably wouldn't have gotten hurt. You following my logic? Pay attention!

4 Naked People Caught Riding Around In A Pick-up Trick

Man Cited In Naked Joyriding Incident

LINCOLN, Neb. - Authorities said a man faces charges after a sheriff's deputy stopped a truck and found all the passengers completely naked. Officials said a sheriff's deputy responded to a report of a suspicious pickup truck east of Lincoln. The deputy said he stopped the truck to question the driver and found everyone in the vehicle was unclothed. The deputy said their clothes were in the bed of the pickup. According to authorities, when the two men and two women in the pickup were questioned about what they were doing, one replied, "I think we're getting in trouble." Officials said there's no law against driving naked on county roads as long as no one is alarmed. But authorities said the driver, Nickolus Borgman, 32, was cited for third offense aggravated DUI, open container, no seat belts and for having too many people in the front seat of the pickup.

Was the truck a 4 x 4? Well of course it was. Just a couple of words of advice for these kooky kids. First, watch out for the stickshift. Second, keep the heat on. Rinse, repeat.

Dog Interrupts Soccer Game

Just a guess, but I say that soccer ball is filled with high quality cocaine. The team's next game is probably in some new country and the best way to smuggle some of Pablo Escobar's nose candy would be inside a soccer ball on a charter flight. Genius, you crafty drug cartel leader. Pure genius.

Check Out This Vampire - He Foreclosed On Wells Fargo - No, Really!

I dare you to take your eyes of this dude. But be careful, you might get "glammed." This guy started scaring the shit out of me the minute he opened his mouth and I got a look at those choppers. Until this very minute I thought all that shit that I saw on True Blood about how vampires are living among us was just a bunch of crap. Not anymore. They're here. And they can rip our hearts out and travel at the speed of light. How else would this guy know about some ancient law if he hasn't been alive for like 4,000 years? Be afraid. Be very afraid. (And stock up on silver bullets and crosses.)

British Shop Sells Breast Milk Ice Cream

CNEWS - It may not be to everyone's tastes, and that's a good thing, because there's not much to go around. A London, England, ice cream parlour has introduced a new dish they're calling the Baby Gaga: ice cream made from the milk of people, served with a shot of liquid nitrogen and, if you so please, a cocktail. The breast milk comes from willing donors who are paid for their trouble, the U.K. Daily Mail reports. The first woman donated about 30 ounces (just over 800 ml) and was paid just over 45 pounds (about $70). "I saw the advert offering to pay women to donate breast milk on a forum and it made me laugh," Victoria Hiley told the newspaper. "There were so many comments and people were having a debate on whether it could be genuine. So I thought I'd find out." The ice cream is served in a martini glass for 14 pounds per serving, or about $22 for us Canucks.

I cried like a baby and pooped my diaper when I read this....

This is why we're not afraid of any other armies across the world. Guy nearly gets his head blown off by his "buddy" behind him. Sorry, not gonna happen in the good ol' USA. Know why? It's called single file you morons. Nobody's shooting anybody from behind. Pay attention Sergeant Shultz!

Chris Bosh Went 1 For 18 From The Field Last Night - Here's His Theme Song

Daily Dime

Fraternity Vs. Sorority - This Is Real Life

Pure gold here. Everything that this chick has to say is absolutely true. Don't be fooled into believing that this is a parody. It is not. Pay attention!

Pure gold here. Everything that this dude has to say is absolutely true. Don't be fooled into believing that this is a parody. It is not. Pay attention!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Really Drunk Guy Talks To Reporters After His House Burns Down

This guy is obviously completely shithoused but I don't blame him at all. If the house that I lived in my whole life just burned down my next stop would be the liquor store, too. A case of Bud's might not even be enough to drown those sorrows. You'd have to be doin' shots in between and I mean tequila, not some pussy shots with a fancy name. As the man says, "Boom." Pay attention!

Watch This Guy Video Bomb A Reporter With His Volvo 740

I guess the driver's name is "Dallas" Holmberg, and all I can say is well done my man! This has to be a first, right? I mean I've seen people doing photo bombs and video bombs, but never a car. Just kickin' it in the snow like Steve McQueen in Bullet. Go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go!!!

Daily Dime #2

Celtics Trade Kendrick Perkins And Nate Robinson To Oklahoma City Thunder, Get Back Jeff Green and Nenad Krstic

Say goodbye to Kendrick Perkins and Nate Robinson.  Say hello to Jeff Green and Nenad Krstic.  Krstic is 7'0" and Green is 6'9".  We difinitely picked up some offense here, but I'm not sure we haven't given up some defense and rebounding.  And who is gonna be Donkey to Big Baby's Shrek now that Nate Robinson is gone?

UPDATE:  Semih Erden and Luke Harangody have been traded to cleveland for a 2013 second round draft pick.  More to come?

Afternoon Refreshment

Can This Dude Dunk Better Than Blake Griffin?

I say this is w-a-a-a-y better than anything I saw from Griffin. Look at the hops on display here. Griffin's almost 7 feet tall so he oughtta be able to throw it down. This shit is hands down way more impressive in my book. 10 out of 10. Winner, winner, chicken dinner....

Meet This Crazy Porn Star, Charity Bangs, And Check Out Her Twitter Pics


This chick Tweets and takes pictures of herself like crazy.  These are some of the more "normal" ones if you know what I mean.  Sometimes she'll snap a shot just after she's finished a scene and hasn't had a chance to "clean up" yet.  As far as I know she hasn't been in the business very long, but this chick is freakin' BUSY!

George Washington University Law Students Re-make Cee Lo Green's "F*ck You"

I'm not the biggest fan of these types of videos, but this one isn't bad. I'll give it a 7 out of 10 cuz the girls aren't very naked or very hot. So fuck you!

After 75 Arrests, I Guess It's Finally Time To Put This Guy Away For Awhile

maurice taylor.jpg - Officials said a Newark man has been sentenced to 15 years for a $180 Kearny pharmacy robbery that led to his 75th arrest, as reported by The Jersey Journal. Eric Warren, 43, was convicted of the Jan. 20, 2010 robbery of the Rite-Aid Pharmacy on Kearny Avenue, during which he shoved $180 worth of deodorant down his pants, officials said. He has been committing theft-related crimes since 1988, officials said.

This guy is just asking to be put away. After being arrested 74 times it has to be impossible to get a job on the outside. So what do you do? You walk into Rite-Aid and start shoving deodorant down your pants until you get arrested. Relax, Eric, now you're gonna get three meals a day and know where you'll be living for the next fifteen years. Well done my friend - mission accomplished!

Here's Why Drugs Should Be Legalized

Not sure this is gonna work, but I'm not sure I'm against it, either. Hey, the dude showed up on time and was on the scene. That's half the battle, right? So our man was a little drowsy and slow on the uptake. Well, if drugs were legal, he could drop a quick speedball and be ready to go. I'm gonna keep an open mind on this one because if some bombshell blonde with a coke addiction sashays into the Speakeasy lookin' to do a little bloggin' I'm gonna listen. Bang. Pay attention! (And feel free to come sashaying into the office if you're a bombshell blonde with a coke addiction - let's talk)

Kangaroos Fight Like Pussies

Lame. Lame. Lame. Every attack here is to the nuts. Now I understand how these fuckers are built anatomically, so the kick to the balls is a natural. But you wanna be a kangaroo bad-ass? Throw a shot to the jaw. Knock that sissy out! Aussies are pretty hard, why do the animals have to act like future florists? Bang. Pay attention!

Father of the year? Future serial killers? Future father with kids taken into protective custody? Future children who will never speak to father again? Future children who track down father and sever his testicles? Future father who survives attack and drowns children in frozen lake? So many questions, so little time....

Is This Human Slingshot Real Or Fake?

I'm going with fake. The first shot had me wondering, but the second one would have the homicide detectives there in no time. Well done, though....

Hot Girls In Bikinis On A Cold Winter Morning

Wanna See A Victoria's Secret Model Wearing Cotton Underwear?

Things I hate about this video:

1. This chick acts like cotton is a new invention
2. There's no nudity
3. The underwear is not skimpy enough
4. The underwear is not see-through enough
5. The model's boobs are not big enough

Things I love about this video

1. Small boobs and all, the chick is hot Sets World Record For Most Expensive Domain Name

MSNBC - When Clover Holdings bought in November for $13 million, it sounded like a whole lotta bada-bing, bada-bang for your buck, and now the Guinness World Records has made it official: is the "Most expensive Internet address domain name." They say sex sells. No kidding! The domain name used to belong to Escom LLC, which bought in 2006 for $11.5 million (though reports have said the company paid as much as $14 million for it). Escom declared bankruptcy in early 2010. Last May, it was able to reach an agreement with its creditors to unload the problematic site through an auction and hired, a domain name marketplace, to find potential bidders. Clover won, but it hasn't done anything with the site, which is still a domain parking page with links to other links to personal ads (like the profitable cheating hotbed Ashley Madison and its low-rent version, Adult Friend Finder), live sex cams, escort services, porn-ish galleries and well, everything else you can probably think of associated with sex. As is befitting the name, has a storied pastfilled with multi-million dollar lawsuits, fraud, prison sentences, forgeries, big money made through advertising and big money lost. If we didn't know better, we'd say it was cursed. The original owner of was founder Gary Kremen, who was involved in those lawsuits trying to get it back after losing it. PETA even tried to get in on the action, writing a letter with the novel suggestion of Escom donating the site to the animal rights group to use for its sexy veggies campaign.
We can't wait to see what happens next with It's better than a soap opera.

Are you fucking kidding me?  $13 Million for a domain name they're not even using?  Hey Clover, have I got a deal for you!  For half the price, you can buy all the Speakeasy domains and I'll actually keep putting shit up there.  Imagine that, a return on your investment.  I know it's a novel approach, but give it a shot and I'll have you making money hand over fist.  Let's party!

Instant Virgin Cream - Hey Ladies, Rejuvenate Your Vagina!

Check out this classified ad that promises a tighter vajayjay:

Country:South Africa
Price:On request
Date Added:February 22, 2011
Expiration:59 Day(s)
"Want to Improve Your Sex Life & Relationship?"
"Discover How You Can Tighten Your Vagina and Enjoy Better Sex
Naturally." with "INSTANT VIRGIN CREAM"
Instant Virgin will contract your vagina walls, within 5 minutes of
applying. Using Instant Virgin on a daily basis, will, overtime totally
rejuvenate your vagina, and help prevent further aging. "Like A
Virgin" is not just a song anymore! Feel tight again and have more
pleasure in lovemaking. So don't delay any longer, order Instant
Virgin NOW and start the process of total vagina rejuvenation. The
best way to invigorate your love life, and give your body the orgasms
it deserves.
-Increase your partner's sexual pleasures
-Enjoy sex better and reach orgasms more often
-Feel young and wanted again
-Enjoy a richer and more satisfying sex life
-Tighten the inner tissues and skin of the vagina
So don't delay any longer, order Instant Virgin NOW and start the
process of total vagina rejuvenation. The best way to invigorate
your love life, and give your body the orgasms it deserves.

How do I apply it?
Simply apply 2 squirts inside the vagina, 5 minutes prior to sexual
intercourse to help contract your vagina walls and tighten your
vagina back to its youthful state.

What are the ingredients?
Aloe, leci

Yup, It's Florida

Woman strips naked in men's room at Sarasota bar

SARASOTA, Fla. - Investigators say a woman was arrested after stripping naked at a Sarasota bar. According to the Sarasota County Sheriff's Office, 34-year-old Traci Batcher was at the Thirsty Turtle when she went into the men's restroom and took off all her clothes. She then tried to walk back into the main bar area when the manager stopped her and told her to put her clothes back on. When she refused, the manager called 9-1-1. A responding deputy found Batcher locked in the men's room. When the manager unlocked the door, she came out topless. WWSB reports she told the deputy, "You don't understand, I have been married since I was 13 years old and have been married for 16 years." Batcher was arrested and charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.

Pretty harmless story, right? But there are some interesting details here that caught my eye. First of all, love the name of the bar - "Thirsty Turtle." Just a great name. But secondly, what is Traci talking about how she was married at 13? I know it's Florida, but are girls allowed to get married at 13? This needs to be checked out a little further. And finally, why aren't I ever in a bar where chicks are walking around naked? And I don't mean a strip joint, I mean just a regular bar. Gotta go - heading down to the nearest Thirsty Turtle I can find...

PS - What's that shit on Traci's chin?

Daily Dime

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Doctor Cuts Off Woman's Clitoris - World's Biggest Woman-Hater?

Accused doctor removed clitoris: court - A doctor said a patient's husband was dead so it did not matter that he removed her clitoris during an operation, a Sydney jury has been told. Theatre nurse Sharon Demmery said she remembered the 2002 operation because of the large size of the tissue that was taken from the patient. She was giving evidence in the NSW District Court today at the trial of a doctor, who cannot be named for legal reasons. He has pleaded not guilty to maliciously inflicting grievous bodily harm (GBH) on Carolyn DeWaegeneire with intent to cause her GBH in August 2002. He also denies an alternative charge of maliciously inflicting GBH on the then 58-year-old widow. The Crown alleges the doctor did not have the patient's consent to remove her genitals, but the defence says he was trying to save Ms DeWaegeneire's life. She told the jury the doctor informed her he was going to remove a lesion but did not mention anything else. She had sought treatment for a small patch of discoloured skin on her labia, later identified as a form of pre-cancer. Ms Demmery said she noticed a "very large amount of tissue" was being removed during the operation. "I said 'That is fairly radical' and he said 'Yes, if I didn't take that much, the cancer would spread,'" Ms Demmery said. She said something came up about the clitoris and she said she told the doctor: "You wouldn't be taking my clitoris, no matter what. "He then said that the patient's husband was dead so it did not matter anyway." The nurse said all the patient's external genitalia were taken. She said the consent form for the operation said "simple vulvectomy", which she understood involved taking a small sample from the lesion area and taking a small margin around it. She said she did not consider the surgery undertaken coincided with the operation described on the consent form. The trial is continuing before Judge Greg Woods.

This Doctor Death dude sounds like a real prick, huh? Someone needs to tell old sawbones here that you can't just go around whacking of clits because your wife thinks you suck in bed or you have a little dick or you can't last long or you don't know how to give a woman the big "O" or you only get ugly chicks or you're secretly gay or you dress like a woman or a priest fucked you up when you were young or you have herpes or your nuts smell like ass-cheese or whores won't even take your money or your mommy touched you or you fuck goats on weekends. Just because you have issues, don't take it out on others. Bang. Pay the fuck attention!

Is It Really Worth It To Shoplift $7.50 Worth Of Shit?

Woman in hot water after trying to steal from Family Dollar

Fort Walton Beach, Fla. - A Fort Walton Beach woman must face a judge after getting caught on her $7.50 stealing spree, Northwest Florida Daily News reported. On December 7, an employee at a Family Dollar saw a 50-year-old unidentified woman stuffing dish detergent, dryer sheets, a hydrogen pen, baking soda and a women's thong panties in her purse. The woman tried to leave the store, but was stopped by management. She was arrested on February 3, and her court appearance is scheduled for March 1.

I'm starting to think this really is the Great Depression. Why the fuck else would anyone, ever, risk some time in the pokey for $7.50? Baking soda? A thong? You're 50 years old!  You have got to be freakin' kiddin' me. And by the way, what the hell is a hydrogen pen? If it's the pen you used to sign your booking papers and then that shit disappears then I get it. Otherwise, you're just a bat-shit crazy douche bag.  Go to jail, do not collect $200.  Bye.

PS - Yup, it's Florida!

Daily Dime #2

Hidden Video Camera In A Tanning Salon Gets This Guy Busted. So Shocking, Because He Looks Like A Really Normal Dude In His G.I. Joe T-Shirt

joseph layland.jpg

Joseph Layland Jr.: Missouri Tanning Salon Owner Accused of Videotaping Customers

DailyRFT - Women say that Joseph Layland Jr.'s tanning salon in the small town of Malden attracted patrons from all around the Missouri bootheel. "There's a lot more women," client Krista Cullum told news station KFVS this week. "It's not just Malden. We came from everywhere, Gideon, Risco, Campbell, because of the price." Often, the 36-year-old Layland wouldn't even charge his clients a dime, says Cullum. He was just happy they'd returned to his DJ's Tan and Tone after sending the women friendly Facebook messages, such as, "Your (tanning) bed misses you." But, then, last week one of his female clients noticed something peculiar inside her tanning booth. A 1/4-inch hole in the wall seemed to contain a reflective piece of glass like, perhaps, a camera lens. The woman contacted the police and surprise, surprise! Authorities discovered that Layland had been secretly videotaping dozens of clients at his tanning salon. Moreover, a search of his home found some 444 DVDs and more than 100 VHS tapes, many containing pornography and/or child porn. Suddenly, it's become something of a perverted parlor game in southeast Missouri wondering who may have landed in Layland's video archive. On Saturday, some 100 women met with Malden police concerned that they may appear nude or semi-nude in the videos. Officials say there is no evidence that that stash was ever uploaded onto the Internet. Layland has been charged with four counts of possession of child pornography and six counts of invasion of privacy. He was placed in custody on a $500,000 cash-only bond.

There are a couple of important points here. First of all, is this like the 2,579th time a tanning salon has been busted? Cameras are everywhere these days, but these tanning salon dudes must have a freakin' monopoly, right? Point number two - tan lines are sexy as hell! Listen to me, my chicas - avoid being on some porno website and at the same time get your sexy freak on by wearing a little butt floss and a tiny top to the tanning bed. You'll keep your dignity and your man will be forever grateful. Guys love tan lines.  Then people like Mr. McPervert got nuthin' on ya. Pay attention!

PS - Kind of funny that this dude's name is "Layland", right? Hehe.

Afternoon Refreshment

Not really a beer commercial, but it's got beer in it....

Sex Toys And Bondage Equipment Stolen In Huntington Beach, California

$7,000 worth of sex toys, bondage restraints stolen in H.B.

OCRegister - About $7,000 worth of bondage restraints and sex toys were stolen from outside a business, police reported. Police responded to reports of a petty theft about 1:30 p.m. on Tuesday in the 7400 block of Lorge Circle after thousands of dollars of sex paraphernalia was stolen from pallets stored outside the business. Police took a report of the crime, according to the crime log.

This has to be the easiest crime to solve in the history of crime. If the Huntington Beach police don't have this perp in custody by the close of business today it's a travesty. THE SLAVE DID IT! Round up every dominatrix in the H.B., put the screws to 'em and nab the freak. Case closed.  Bang. Pay attention!

Watch These Idiots Shoot Fireworks At Each Other

And I mean idiots in the best possible way. I love idiots. Idiots rule. Idiots make my day. These idiots can make your day, too. The tradition started a long time ago with The Village Idiot. Their stories and heroic actions have been passed down through the ages by storytelling and word-of-mouth. Now, with technology, we can preserve and protect this most ancient art and culture. Their lifestyle, rituals and celebrations can be recorded and preserved for posterity. Without idiots like these ridiculous, dumb-ass clowns, just imagine how boring life would be for the rest of us. All hail The Idiot! Long live The Idiot!!! (Unless of course the idiot pulls some stunt that gets his ass killed - then he's just a freakin' idiot.)

Do You Think IBM's Watson Could Beat These Wheel Of Fortune Contestants?

What the fuck is a "self-potato?" Is this some kind of new female masturbation technique that I haven't heard of yet but that was just on her mind? Is lube involved or is it just the potato? Russet or Idaho? I kind of pride myself in keeping up to date on this stuff, but this one's a new one for me. I guess it could work, though....

Snowboarder Video Bombs A Reporter

Is this a good video bomb or not? I mean, he got on camera doing something stupid so technically I guess it's a success. But personally I would've gone with the blowjob simulation. The handjob thing is a little less effective and might give people the impression that that's what you do when you're not hitting the slopes or bombing reporters. Just my opinion, I'm not a professional.

Man Robs Bank, Uses Money To Buy Sex Toys

Steven Wilson

Police: Bank Robber Spent Loot On Sex Toys

KCRA - Sacramento police said they have captured a bank robber who was spending the loot on sex toys. Steven Wilson, 25, is accused of robbing a bank in north Sacramento on Saturday. "Detectives utilized the surveillance video of the suspect and cross checked it with recent released parolees and found a match on Steve Wilson who was released from prison on Feb. 2," police said in a news release. Wilson was taken into custody Tuesday at a North Highlands motel. However, detectives said, Wilson used the stolen money to fund a spending spree. "Amongst the items purchased were numerous sex toys, electronics, and a photo shoot for $600," police said in a news release.

This is the definition of irony, right? I mean, I'm not sure because I spent most of my time in English class staring at my teacher's tits, but I think I'm right here. Here we go: Steven spent the loot on sex toys and got caught. Now he goes to prison and becomes a sex toy. Irony, right? Thanks Miss Williams, I must have actually paid a little attention to what you were saying (I guess).

Wouldn't A Topless Race Like This Brighten Up Our Winters Here In America, Too?

Hotting things up on the ice: Naked sledgers battle it out in the Naked Sledging Contest in Germany

Naked sledgers hot things up on the ice in Germany's annual sledging race
Topless sledgers have braved the cold to take part in this year's naked sledging contest in Braunlage, Germany.

Metro - Thirteen men and 13 women dressed only in panties and helmets to protect their heads, took to the 90 metre long iced snowy piste to battle it out in the famous sledging race, a team event, which attracted over 17,000 visitors. The winners were a trio of hotel workers form the local area and they took home the title of 'Naked Sledging World Champion' as well as a shared prize of £1,000.
It is the third year the contest has taken place. Over 400 people applied for a place in the annual race but only 30 were selected to participate. Race organiser Tobias Wannemaker said: 'This year attracted more people than ever. The naked sledgers definitely got things hotting up, even in such cold conditions.' The 2012 naked sledging competition is already planned.

What's it gonna take to bring an event like this to the Blue Hills here in Milton, MA? If someone can organize this thing, the Speakeasy will put up the prize money. Nothing would break up the winter doldrums like watching a bunch of topless chicks flyin' down a hill on sleds. Lots of bouncin' and bumpin' and fallin'and failin' all over the place. We need to get the First Annual Speakeasy Naked Sledding Contest off the ground! Pay attention!

Outstanding Battle With The Police

I don't know where this is or why they're bustin' this guy but I do know one thing. "I vant lawyer!" And how about the other shopkeeper who tries to help the cops but actually ends up supplying this guy with his weapon? Good stuff. I had more tears in my eyes than this ninja cop-fighter and I wasn't even being pepper-sprayed. "I vant lawyer. I vant lawyer" Priceless.

Woman Calls For Toilet Parts, Gets Phone Sex

Virginia Mom Finds Toilet Helpline Has A Potty Mouth

SUFFOLK, VA - A Virginia woman was caught by surprise when she called a toilet manufacturer's helpline for advice on installation and was put through to a potty-mouthed sex line. Debbie Attard, a mom from Isle of Wight County, was fixing up the bathroom in her son's new mobile home when she found that the bowl the family bought from retail chain Lowe's was missing parts, WAVY-TV reported Thursday. She dialed the 800 number listed in the owner's manual but was shocked when the voice that greeted her wanted to discuss parts of a more private nature. "I was appalled," Attard said. "I couldn't believe it. I had called it like five or six times to make sure I didn't dial it wrong." However, each time she failed to reach a helpline and was met by a stream of foul-mouthed smut. A flushed Lowe's said the AquaSource toilets in question were taken off the shelves, and sales of the product were halted while the vendor investigated the issue.

Okay, Debbie, you're a lying sack of shit. As soon as I read the part about how you had to call back five or six times I knew you were so full of shit you're brown. You were sittin' on your new toilet seat, needed something to read (I do the same thing - I'll read anything) and started feeling a little heat in the loins. Amd then again, and agin and again.  I get it, Debbie, you're lonely. No prob babe, but quit with the tall tales, will ya?

Stripper AND Mommy Of The Year?

corinthian williams

Stripper Left Kids in Car to Hit the Pole

NBCMiami - A South Florida stripper displayed a disturbing amount of dedication to her job recently and has been arrested for leaving her kids in the car outside of a strip club so she could work. Corinthian Williams, 24, has been charged with four counts of child neglect for leaving the children - ages 1, 5, 6 and 9 - unattended in her car, the Sun-Sentinel reported. When police came to arrest Williams on Monday, she was holding her youngest daughter and reportedly told officers "take her. I don't wanna." Authorities believe the Riviera Beach woman made it a habit of leaving her children behind so she could shake her behind at area strip joints...

First of all, how could this chick possibly be making enough money stripping to support four kids? Unless she has the body of Brooklyn Decker (doubtful), there just ain't no way. Kids eat like motherfuckers. Their metabolism runs so high they eat more food than a bear gettin' ready to hibernate. I have a suggestion for our Mommy/Stripper of the year: Get a job at your local convenience store. I'm convinced you'll make more money, and if you play your cards right, you can swipe a few snacks from time to time and feed those hungry shorties like nobody's business. Bang. Pay the fuck attention!

Peepo, Watch - Video Is Funny!!! So, So Funny!!!

Peepo funny is in video. Many peepo dance. Many peepo moving. Wely, wely funny sing song. Making happy dance wif wely funny peepo. Sum young guy is rearry, rearry make happy in front. But everyone welcome for to see all peepo dance and sing happy. Me luv you long time.