Thursday, March 31, 2011

Who Would You Save From A Burning Building? TBS Basketball Analysts Edition - Kenny Smith Vs. Charles Barkley

Kenny gives you the thoughtful analysis and Charles talks about hunches and feelings. Kenny's the straight man, Charles the comedian. I'm keepin' the fruitloop. Even though Charles says some of the stupidest things I've ever seen on TV, he's entertaining as hell and that's all I want from my TV. Sorry Kenny, but you're burnin' like the lint filter from the dryer.

Daily Dime #2

Afternoon Refreshment

It's Opening Day For MLB - Are You Ready For Some Baseball?

More Fantastic MILF Bikini Pictures Of Courteney Cox

Courteney seems to be showin' up everywhere lately and that's always good news for the Speakeasy.  You're holdin' up awfully well CC.  I'm startin' to think that wearin' a bikini is good for your health.  Plus, now that that fruitloop David Arquette is out of the picture, you're available, right?  Call me....

Check Out This Old Dude Crushin' It To Led Zeppelin

Righteous! I hope I'm half as cool as this cat when I get to be his age. Dude is probably still sparkin' the doobies and beatin' the chicks off with a stick. The real American Idol!

Who Would You Bang? Gilligan's Island Classic Edition - Ginger Vs. Mary Ann

The homespun girl from the midwest versus the slutty actress from Hollywood. Well, there's your answer right there. Since we're talkin' about bangin' instead of marrying, the obvious answer is Ginger. Mary Ann's the type you settle down with and raise the 2.5 children. Ginger's the type you snort an eight-ball with and pound her till the last line's up your nose.  Hooray for Hollywood!

You Pay For Massage, Me Love You Long Time

Unlicensed Tyler massage therapist charged with prostitution

KYTX - A woman operating an unlicensed massage therapy studio on Loop 323 in Tyler was arrested Friday for prostitution after offering sex for a fee to an undercover officer, police said Monday. An undercover operation touched off by multiple tips led to the arrest of Qin Zhang, 48, said Tyler Police Public Information Officer Don Martin. Martin said Zhang, from Plano, was operating the business without a license at 1420 WSW Loop 323 under the name Healthy Massage. "We received numerous emails about the place from people with concerns. We conducted the investigation and found the tips to be true," he said. Martin said Zhang was arrested Friday evening at the business after undercover officers entered the business and confirmed the illegal activity. "This doesn't happen very often in Tyler," Martin said. Zhang was released from the Smith County Jail Friday after posting bonds totaling $1,000 on charges of prostitution and massage license violation.

Love me some massage parlors. You're allowed to massage about 99.9% of the body, but not the rest. What's up with that? How can a full body massage not include the full body? Isn't that false advertising? Madame Zhang is just tryin' to deliver an honest product at an honest price. I think massage parlors should be forced to advertise "No happy endings" if they don't give 'em. Otherwise, when I pay for a full body massage, I expect a full body massage, godammit. And I don't need any cops bustin' in there ruinin' the whole thing.  This shit needs to get straightened out.  Pronto.  Pay attention!

Topless Booby Photos Of D-List Celebrity Kathy Griffin Leaked (Does Anyone Really Care?)

She's not that famous. She's not that funny. She's not that attractive. She's probably had too much plastic surgery. And she probably needs a career boost. Well Kathy, I hope this little exposure (see how I did that?) helps you out. And by the way, for 50 years' of mileage, you're actually not lookin' too bad. You're welcome.

PS - In case you want it, here's the link to the NSFW photos - Kathy Griffin Photos

Amazing Chinese Traffic Accidents

How can they possibly still have like billions of people left in China? Muthas are gettin' waxed every which way from Sunday. Cars, trucks, carrriages, bikes, motorcycles, vans, buses, rickshaws all goin' down left and right. And this is some little city I never even heard of. What happens in the big, over-populated cities like Beijing?

Insurance agents must be the richest pricks in the country. Hey Geico, get your ass over to China ASAP! And in the meantime, work at home people, WORK AT HOME! Bang. Pay attention.

Cops Arrest 2 Whacked Out Spring Breakers On Miami Beach

Well it's not the ending to Bonnie & Clyde but it's still entertaining. Outstanding smackdown moves by our man in blue here on both the dude and the mermaid. And she's a hippie mermaid to boot! Flashin' the peace sign, trying to swim to Europe. Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?

Crazy Russians Sailing A Boat Down City Streets

More proof that Russians drink Stoli all day every day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Hey comrades, how many MPG's you get with bad mutha? Never mind, they're too dickered to figure it out anyway...Dos Vedanya!

Daily Dime

Marilyn Monroe

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Who Would You Save From A Burning Building? Dirt-Bag Coaches Edition - Jim Tressel Vs. Bruce Pearl

Tennessee hoops vs. Ohio State football. I'm saving Pearl and my only reasoning is based on my impressions of the two guys. Tressel, with his little sweater vests, always seems like he's trying to come across as holier than thou. Pearl on the other hand is a certified nut-job so I don't think you can be surprised with what ya get. Tressel fries like an onion ring for bad acting and trying to fool us all. Not buyin' it....

Daily Dime #2

Afternoon Refreshment

Watch This Chick Throw Down 12 Shots Of Vodka Right Before Your Very Eyes

First of all my little cupcake, let me just say that you are welcome here in the Speakeasy any ol' time your heart desires. Second of all, what the fuck? I'd hate to be around after that 12-shot bomb drops which is gonna be in like another hour or so. Add in the Mexican food and all I can see is taco meat and guacamole flyin' all over the midwest. Impressive performance though - you'll learn a little more about pacing when you become a professional.

Who Would You Bang? Modern Family Edition - Sofia Vergara Vs. Julie Bowen

Easy, right? Sophie is by far the hotter of the two. Well, not so fast my fickle friends. Take a look at this picture of the Columbian Bombshell without her makeup. Still want to bang her? Neither do I. In an upset, Julie gets the "Irish Inch Of Aggression." Bang. Done.

Help Me Decide Which Way To Go For Lunch Today - Tough Choice


Mad At Your Girlfriend? Get Naked, Smear Shit On Her Door And Try To Set Her Apartment On Fire

Boyfriend's Feces Attack Leads To Arson Arrest

KTLA - A poop-smearing man is now charged with arson after befouling his pregnant ex-girlfriend’s apartment door and setting it on fire, authorities said Tuesday. The messy rampage began round 5:30 a.m. when Rasheen Harrison, 24, stripped naked inside the elevator of his former girlfriend's apartment building on the 300 block of Vanderbilt Ave, according to He went straight to her apartment, and, while reportedly screaming obscenities and claiming to be the devil, pasted his own excrement on the door and then tried to ignite it -- using his own clothes to build the fire. Police reportedly arrested a naked and filthy Harrison at the scene of the crime. Safe inside the apartment during the entire episode were his six-months pregnant ex-girlfriend, two children and another person, possibly a man, according to reports. The Daily News reported that Harrison’s poop attack didn’t end there, however. After cops locked him inside a holding cell at the 120th Precinct on Staten Island, the poop Picasso began to smear a feces mural on the walls. The Daily News reports that Harrison, who goes by the nickname of Illuminati, was mad at his ex for stealing his cell phone. Harrison was reportedly taken to Bellevue Hospital for psychiatric observation. Harrison now faces charges of arson, criminal mischief, reckless endangerment, menacing and endangering the welfare of a child, according to Staten Island DA Daniel Donovan.

I'm gonna guess that Illuminati here is gonna have a hard time wooing back his baby-mama. But maybe if he writes a beautiful poem with a heartfelt apology, picks up some roses and a box of chocolates, er wait, candy, throws in a day at the spa and a night of dinner and the movies he might have a chance. Or not.

How Insane Are These Guys? Answer - TOTALLY!

All I can say is, "Balls the size of church bells!" How frikkin' loony do you have to be to pull off some shit like this? Personally, I'd have to be so dickered I'd probably crash into the rock wall with my alcohol-fused testicles exploding all over the place. Do these wingsuit people die all the time or what? They must, right?

First Ever Monster Truck Back-Flip

Okay, I posted it. But I have only one question - Who gives a flyin' fuck?

Daily Dime

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Who Would You Save From A Burning Building? Lakers Edition - Kobe Vs. Phil

No question about this one. As much as I think the Zen Master is a fraud I friggin' hate the Black Mamba. Alleged rapist and just overall dink. You're goin' down like the snake that you are, Kobe.

Daily Dime #2

Afternoon Refreshment

In honor of Red Sox Opening Week!

The Greatest Pickup Line Of All Time?

This dude must get more pussy than an animal shelter. Chicks just drippin' wet and meltin' all around him. Strong pimp hand, my friend. Well played.

Who Would You Bang? Diva Edition - Beyonce Vs. Rihanna

This is a tough one.  Kind of like choosing between steak and prime rib.  Nice front porches, nice backyards.  Good grills and good stems.  Pretty close on the physical appearance but Rihanna seems like she'd be absolutely nuts in the sack.  Just a bat-shit crazy type chick.  Beyonce is probably more of the marrying type.  I'm boinking Rihanna.

Watch This Turkish TV Prank Go Very Wrong

So I guess this was a TV prank and the paint was washable. I don't care. This Turkish (why don't we call them 'Turkeys?') dude did the right thing. Someone puts paint on your car, you beat the piss out of 'em. What did the TV guy expect? A harsh tongue lashing? Nope - bravo Turkey man. Knock his ass out. Who's been punked now? Boomerang.

Meet The Prostitutes And Madam Of La Rue Estetique Spa

From L to R: Maryna Rogozhyna, Natalia Cataraso, Alla Gindin, Rano Rakimova

Four Brooklyn Women Busted In Stamford Prostitution Ring

GOTHAMIST - Stamford police busted an alleged prostitution ring that was being run out of a massage parlor, arresting four Brooklyn women. And they caught them in the act: Lt. Tim Shaw says police armed with a search warrant found two women in rooms with men, one of them in the middle of performing a sexual act. “[We] located condoms throughout the building. They were hidden in false-bottom hairspray cans,” said Shaw. Which is obviously hardcore proof of prostitution! Police had been monitoring the La Rue Estetique Spa for over a month since they several complaints about the massage parlor. The parlor advertised itself on Craigslist as an upscale Russian spa, calling itself "Magic European Touch." According to court records, police believed the massage parlor was a front for prostitution where illegal immigrants might be working as sex slaves. When they raided the parlor on Thursday, officers saw a woman on top of a man in the middle of a sexual act. In the second room, officers saw a woman clad only in a bra next to nude man laying on a massage table. Three of the women from Brooklyn, Rano Rakimova, 24; Maryna Rogozhyna, 29; and Alla Gindin, 39; were all charged with prostitution and operating a massage parlor without a license. The fourth woman, Natalia Cataraso, 41, was identified as the madam of the ring. Records show that Cataraso had been arrested for prostitution in 2004 under the name Natalia Strochkovoskaya, but she pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of disorderly conduct. She faces charges of second-degree promoting prostitution, a felony, and operating a massage parlor without a license. The two men who were in the parlor at the time of the raid were also arrested, and issued summonses for patronizing a prostitute.

I've always wondered what it must be like to be one of the dudes who was in the middle of his "sex act" when the cops showed up. What's the move? Do you try to finish? Do you try and run away? Do you tell the cops you're glad they showed up and try to talk your way out of it?

Here's what I'd do. I'd make sure I had a fake police badge in my pants. The minute 5-0 busted in, I'd grab it and act like I was undercover and in on the whole deal. I'd be like, "That's right bitches, we gotcha! Hands behind your backs!  Nice work boys." I mean, it's the only play, right?

Should We Be Worried About The Celtics?

One of the reasons the Celtics lost to the Pacers last night was that they missed a shitload of free throws. As a public service, I'm posting the video of this Asian kid knockin' 'em down with both hands. I know Doc and Danny are huge fans of the Speakeasy, so find this guy immediately, get him to work with the team and then go win Banner 18. Bang. Done. Pay attention! (And you're welcome.)

Spring Break Quickie

...Just a little motorboatin' in the mornin' to get your day started in the right direction. De nada.


I warned ya - put the bagel down. Why do these celebities think we have any interest in lookin' at their overgrown pregnant grossness? Now, for the ladies out there, calm down. I realize that the pregnant female body is a beautiful thing and I've actually seen a few photos that look pretty cool. Demi Moore from a long time ago comes to mind, for one. But this mess? Uh-uh. No way. Some things should be photographed, some things should be covered up immediately. COVER IT UP before the butterfly explodes!!!

Brooklyn Decker - Sexy Bikini Photos

Mrs. Andy Roddick lookin' about as good as you can possibly look. This chick is the definition hot. Face, hair, front porch, back yard, legs - everything. And oh yeah, Brooksie, love the new short hairdo - mean it!

Daily Dime

Monday, March 28, 2011

Daily Dime #2

Sorry Speakeasies - I'm out of town -  just the Dimes today - I'll be back tomorrow

Daily Dime

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Greatest Friday Night Ever?

DO NOT spend your Friday doin' this. GET OUTTA THE HOUSE. In fact, go party like our little inflatable friend here:

Have a great weekend, Speakeasies!

Who Would You Save From A Burning Building? Two And A Half Men Edition - Charlie Sheen Vs. Jon Cryer

Like I said yesterday, the world needs more crazy. Now that the train wreck has begun, we gotta see it all the way through to the crash. It's gonna be frikkin' awesome. Sorry Jonny, time to fry.

Canadian School Worker Suspended For Working In Porn Films


Canadian School Administrator Gets Outed For Porn Career

GENESISONLINE - The clerical assistant at Etchemins High School near Quebec City has been suspended for two weeks without pay from employment at the institution, when a student discovered her moonlighting porn career and asked for her autograph. The star of Serial Abusers 2—whose performer name is Samantha Ardente—refused the student’s autograph, and reportedly told him to keep the secret to himself. However, he allegedly blabbed to his friend, where the word of mouth eventually flooded the entire school. Louise Boisvert, the school’s spokeswoman, said: “‘It’s a first in our history. Even if she didn’t work directly with the students, we have to evaluate the impact that this story will have on her, on the students and on the staff.” Meanwhile, a teacher from the school who refused to be named, stated: “What she did was inappropriate. But it’s not illegal, either. So we told the students that there’s no place for that (situation) here and we’ll see what happens next.” Nicholas Lafleur Owner of Pegas Productions which makes the porn films that Ardente stars, said condemned the reactions of the school by saying, “‘She was very nervous. She didn’t want to lose her job and I don’t think she told everyone, so it wasn’t easy for her.” Ardente has worked with the Canadian town since 2002 and has worked at Etchemins High School for two years. Lafleur created a Facebook page for the porn star which has been flooded with support, where Ardente’s profile page has reportedly displayed negative criticism about her XXX career. Currently, Ardente is awaiting the fate of her job at the high school.

You wanna keep kids from dropping out of school? Hire more pornstars! All those horny high school kids will be dyin' to get up and go to school every day. Half the reason they skip school in the first place is to stay home and sit around and watch porn all day anyway. This will give them a chance to see the real thing up close and personal. Don't suspend this chick - hire more like her! Pay attention!

(Side note - lose the blonde streaks honey.  Not a good look.)

Daily Dime #2

Afternoon Refreshment

Watch The Craziest Canadian Mutha You've Ever Seen!

I freakin' love Ray!!! This batshit crew of Canucks had me laughin' my ass off for the entire lenght of the vid. Makes me wanna go get dickered right now. I can't think of a better way to spend a few minutes on a Friday afternoon. I'm almost feelin' bad now that the Bruins kicked those Montreal asses so bad last night. Hey, I said almost...

This Guy Has Been Seen On Video More Than The Double Rainbow Dude

Alleged beer bandit finally canned for stealing 2,400 beers

SAN ANTONIO - The Alamo City may have an alleged king of beer run thefts. Santiago Martinez was arrested by San Antonio police on accusations of a three month crime spree where more than 2,400 beers were stolen. Martinez was charged with theft of $1,500-$20,000. He remains behind bars trying make a $15,000 bond.An arrest warrant said the 24-year-old stole from eight different San Antonio Valero convenience stores between Nov. 28 and Feb. 25. In fact, police said they had 28 separate criminal cases against him. He allegedly took 18 packs of beer. Police said he stole 134 of them worth almost $2,900. The warrant said Martinez can be seen in 26 surveillance videos and still shots from the crimes. Investigators said their beer run suspect admitted he was the person in 17 of those security photos. According to the warrant, other suspects and suspected vehicles are visible in the footage as well.

Let's do some quick math. 2,400 beers in 3 months is 800 per month. That translates to roughly 27 beers a day. Bravo, Santiago - that's quite the belly you're building. The problem is that you're so shitfaced on a daily basis you probably didn't notice that you were showin' up on 26 surveillance videos. You've been on TV more lately than college basketball. Stay thirsty, my friend!

Who Would You Bang? "Friends" Edition - Courteney Cox Vs. Jennifer Aniston

Tough one. Both have held up remarkably well into their 40's. I guess I'll take Courteney since her last name is Cocks, er, Cox. I can't come up with any other reason...

The Beer Lines At Fenway Park Just Got Eliminated - All Thanks To The Speakeasy!

Fenway to receive 'bottoms up' beer dispensers

MyFoxBoston - Those long beer lines at Fenway Park may soon be a thing of the past. Red Sox fans will be able to enjoy two new high-speed beer dispensers. Aramark signed a deal to bring a pair of "bottom's up" dispensers to the ballpark by Opening Day. The appropriately named system fills a special cup from the bottom up in just a matter of seconds. It outpours typical tap setups, eliminating long lines.

I'm totally taking credit for this one. Pretty sure we were the first website in town to post the video of the bottoms up dispensing method, way back on December 28th of last year. The people at Aramark must be huge Speakeasy fans and obviously read the blog.   So, can I take credit for eliminating the beer lines at Fenway this Summer? Yes, I think I can. That's why I'm the friggin' Bahtendah.  You're welcome, Red Sox Nation!

Here's the video we posted way back when:

Mid-Morning Fail Compilation To Brighten Your Day

Sometimes you just need a little Schadenfreude in your life to pick up your spirits. Take a little break this morning and enjoy the misery of others and just be happy that you're not any of these folks. Makes you feel a little better, right? Plus, it's Friday!!! You're welcome.

Watch This Guy Smash A Glass Into Another Dude's Face At A Bikini Strip Club In Florida

Bar fight at Evolution Cabaret bikini strip club

FLORIDA - Detectives are asking for your help. They're looking for a man who walked into the Evolution Cabaret bikini strip club after three in the morning on March 19. Watch the video and you will see that the suspect stands at the bar, walks aound the bar, comes right up behind a man sitting at the bar and slaps him in the face with a glass, shattering the glass. The victim suffered lacerations and was taken to Tampa General Hospital.mIf you know anything about this suspect or where he might be, call the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office at 813-247-8200. Anyone with any information regarding the identity and whereabouts of this suspect and who wants to be eligible for a cash reward is asked to call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-873-TIPS (8477), report anonymously online at the Crimestoppers Tampa Bay website, or text "CSTB plus your tip" to C-R-I-M-E-S (274637).

Hey fuckhead, not cool! I love a good fight as much as the next guy, but let's make it fair. Punchin' and kickin' is cool - use what God gave ya - smashin' a glass in someone's grill is not. That's a total pussy move. We got the tape. We see ya. You gotta go down for this one, bro. (Kinda looks like they had him for a second, not sure how he managed to get away.)

Side story: I had a buddy a few years back who lost his eye because some coward smashed him in the face with a beer mug in a pool hall, pretty much without any warning. The dickwad got probation, my bud got an eye patch for life. Doesn't seem like a fair trade.  Enough with that weak shit.. You wanna fight? Do it right. Have some balls.  Bang. Pay the fuck attention!

Did This Crazy Russian Just Commit Suicide By Way Of Vodka?

Somebody seriously has to tell me if this dude lived or died. He's gotta be dead, right? I mean it's not humanly possible to suck down that much vodka and live, is it? The only other explanantion is that this is fake, but I saw them crack the bottle. Plus, if he was just drinkin' water I don't think he would've gone for that swig of soda at the end. Hardcore, Yuri. Hardcore. Putin will be proud.

12-Year-Old Quarterback's Trick Shot Video Puts All The College Players To Shame!

In your face you college hotshots! This shorty from Iowa throws down the gauntlet and puts y'all to shame! One little item - GET THE 12-YEAR-OLD OFF THE ROOF OF THE 3-STORY BUILDING!!! Pay attention!

Eyewitness Footage Of A Tornado Landing

Great stuff, my young storm chaser! Good camera work (mostly) considering the circumstances, but what really stands out is the commentary. Talks to Mom, gives the time, date and location. "Oh my God! It landed! Oh my God! Tornado! Tornado!!!" Outstanding - BIG star on the forehead!

Daily Dime

Skateboarder Today, Tenor Tomorrow

Kid's voice just went up about 4 octaves. In the future, I believe researchers will discover that skateboarders have less children than any other people on the planet. I've never seen a group as a whole take more nutshots than these idiots. And they keep comin' back for more! Rock on you morons. You keep makin' the vids and I'll keep postin' 'em!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Ice T's Wife Coco Just Can't Stop Tweeting Photos Of Her Nearly Naked Sexy Ass In A Thong

I've never seen a chick take more photos of herself than Coco. God love ya. This babe gets undressed for the camera nearly every day of her life. And I have to say, that's one powerful ass. The amazing thing is that she tweeted a few days ago that her waist is 23 inches. That's a freak of nature, right? Has to be.

Now in another 10 years, this thing is gonna look like a tub of cottage cheese, but let's enjoy the moment. Ba-donk-a-donk!