Beer Thief Takes A Header Making Off With His Haul

FLORIDA - Polk County Sheriff’s detectives are looking for a beer robber. It happened on Wednesday, April 27, 2011, at the E-Z Food Store located at 15 Acuff Road in Lake Wales. The suspect, seen on video surveillance, got out of the front passenger side of a black Chevy Lumina with dark tinted windows and no tag, and walked into the store. Moments later the suspect then ran out of the store with two cases of Bud Light beer. The robber tripped and fell, dropping the beer all over the parking lot, then jumped into the backseat of the waiting vehicle and fled the scene. Investigators describe the suspect as a white male in his mid-20s, wearing blue jeans, a green T-shirt, a dark colored ballcap with a white logo on it, and black sneakers.

Fumble! Hey coach, don't draft this kid. His quickness isn't bad. Recovery time nothin' to sneeze at. But he can't hold onto the rock! Turnovers are everything when ya get to the big time and we just can't be havin' this shit. Nope - pass. Not even an invitation to camp.

Car Thief Has Large Set Of Cajones

YouTube - British police have released dramatic footage of a high-speed car chase in which a car thief tried to evade officers by crashing a stolen Mercedes C180 through a rail crossing barrier. The June 2010 incident began when 20-year-old Terence Fowler refused to pull over for police and tried to get away at over 90 miles (145 kilometres) an hour. During the pursuit, Fowler overtook vehicles in the face of oncoming traffic and, at one point, knocked off another car's wing mirror. Police gave up their chase when Fowler smashed through the rail crossing barrier moments before the arrival of a high-speed train. Police found the car abandoned and arrested Fowler after finding his blood on the broken windscreen. Fowler admitted dangerous driving at Peterborough Crown Court and was jailed for 3.5 years on Thursday.

Balls the size of church bells. It takes some serious stones to drive through that train track barrier when you know there's a high-speed train comin' down the pike. I guess some prison time will bring down the swelling.

How Far Would You Go To Steal A Case Of Beer?

Police: Man hid in Walgreens for beer

UPI.COM - Police in Kansas said a burglar hid inside a Walgreens store until it closed and tried to leave with a case of Bud Light beer. Wichita police said they responded to the Walgreens store at 21st and Maize Road Saturday night after a burglar alarm was tripped at the store, KDFI-FM, Wichita, reported Tuesday. Officers arrived to find a 25-year-old man near the store with a case of Bud Light. The man allegedly told officers he hid inside the store because employees refused to sell him the beer. He said he waited until the store was closed and employees had left to emerge and with the beer. Police said he apparently tripped the burglar alarm on the way out. He was placed under arrest.

Let me get this straight. You hide in a store, wait for it to close and then all you try to walk out with is a case of beer? This dude is such a lightweight he's pathetic. Have some balls, kid. If you're gonna take the risk, make it worthwhile. It's Walgreen's - there's a whole lotta shit in that store and they have shopping carts! How 'bout some pizza? Or pretzels? Or maybe, like, a cash register? C'mon young fella, you're just a laughing stock without the creativity, destined to spend your career in the minors. Such a waste....

This Guy Has Been Seen On Video More Than The Double Rainbow Dude

Alleged beer bandit finally canned for stealing 2,400 beers

SAN ANTONIO - The Alamo City may have an alleged king of beer run thefts. Santiago Martinez was arrested by San Antonio police on accusations of a three month crime spree where more than 2,400 beers were stolen. Martinez was charged with theft of $1,500-$20,000. He remains behind bars trying make a $15,000 bond.An arrest warrant said the 24-year-old stole from eight different San Antonio Valero convenience stores between Nov. 28 and Feb. 25. In fact, police said they had 28 separate criminal cases against him. He allegedly took 18 packs of beer. Police said he stole 134 of them worth almost $2,900. The warrant said Martinez can be seen in 26 surveillance videos and still shots from the crimes. Investigators said their beer run suspect admitted he was the person in 17 of those security photos. According to the warrant, other suspects and suspected vehicles are visible in the footage as well.

Let's do some quick math. 2,400 beers in 3 months is 800 per month. That translates to roughly 27 beers a day. Bravo, Santiago - that's quite the belly you're building. The problem is that you're so shitfaced on a daily basis you probably didn't notice that you were showin' up on 26 surveillance videos. You've been on TV more lately than college basketball. Stay thirsty, my friend!

Burglar Fail - Amateur Hour At The Convenience Store

Rumblin', bumblin', stumblin'. What really surprises me here is that this guy didn't shoot himself in the head. I'm dead serious. If you're about to rob a cashier in a convenience store, you probably already got an itchy trigger finger. Now add the fact that your palms are sweaty, you're all flummoxed tryin' to get your ski mask on and the next thing you know you've got a headless burglar. Deep breaths you little thief, deep breaths....

Naked Sausage Thief Caught On Video

Nude sausage thief caught on surveillance video

The Examiner - A retirement community in Florida was surprised when their community kitchen was burglarized last month. They were even more surprised when they looked at the surveillance tape and saw a naked man stealing sausage, napkins and a First Aid kit, according to the Naples Daily News. Lee County Sherriff’s were able to use the surveillance video to apprehend the sausage stealing suspect, 34-year-old Joshua Abernathy. The Mariner’s Cove adult housing community in the city of Estero, near Fort Myers, has around 230 mobile and manufactured homes. Residents of the community did not recognize Abernathy and believe he may be a transient who got in through a locked door. Abernathy was charged with burglary and petty theft from the January 7th incident. The video was released yesterday by the Lee County Sheriff’s office.


Must.  Have.  Sausage.  Well of course you must, Joshua.  I feel for you, bro.  Your a transient, you got no clothes, you're a little hungry and some Jimmy Dean's would hit the spot, wouldn't they?  In the good old days before surveillance cameras you would've gotten away with it, too.  Now because of all this damn technology you got your naked self splashed all over every computer in the world.  Life sucks, then you die.  Tough break, Joshua.