Amazing Chinese Traffic Accidents

How can they possibly still have like billions of people left in China? Muthas are gettin' waxed every which way from Sunday. Cars, trucks, carrriages, bikes, motorcycles, vans, buses, rickshaws all goin' down left and right. And this is some little city I never even heard of. What happens in the big, over-populated cities like Beijing?

Insurance agents must be the richest pricks in the country. Hey Geico, get your ass over to China ASAP! And in the meantime, work at home people, WORK AT HOME! Bang. Pay attention.

Chinese Man Literally Gets A New Asshole

CHINA - ...Meet Wu. A simple Chinese farmer from Jiayu county of Hubei Province, Wu has spent more than half his life without anus. The condition, known as anal atresia, was conferred upon him at birth (most likely by a really angry deity). As a result, he has spent 55 years defecating through a tiny hole near his urethra called a stoma. To actually get the stool out, he had to squeeze it out...

Stop already! Enough with the dude with the blocked up dumpster. I guess I'm just posting this as a PSA or some sort of update or something. We all heard last week about the guy from China who lived for 55 years without an A-hole. Big whup, Mr. Wu finally gets his new balloon knot.  Anyway, I guess I'm happy to report that his remaining years will be filled with toilet paper and reading magazines. Damn, he was so environmentally friendly before and now we're gonna have to kill a shitload (get it?) of more trees all because this dude needed to become a Pu-Pu Splatter.  Well that does it, I'm havin' Thai for lunch.  Or should that be untie?  Poops, I mean, oops, I did it again....

Buster Hymen - You Can Become A Fake Virgin Again In China

Paying to become 'like a virgin' in China

MSNBC - Despite the gradual liberalization of attitudes towards pre-marital sex in China, as well as rampant prostitution and Internet pornography – a woman’s virginity is still highly valued by many men here, especially in rural areas.
So what’s a girl trying to disguise her past sexual experience to do?


Pretend to be a virgin.
Search the words “artificial hymen” on Google in Chinese, and you’ll get seven million results. Search “Joan of Arc Red,” and you’ll get over a million results – it’s the biggest selling brand in China’s growing fake hymen market.


Try to appear ‘shy’ for 'a better effect'
A young woman looking for a solution to her awkward problem can simply log onto the website www.xuexing.org and pay $18.40 for two fake hymens nicely packed in a wooden box. For $14.40, the same products come simply wrapped in a paper box.
The website says the goods were first invented in Japan in 1993 and then became popular in Thailand, followed by the rest of Southeast Asia before eventually making their way to the Middle East. According to the instructions, the little piece of semitransparent tissue has no side effects and is made of a natural fibrin glue, a medical elastic substance, a soluble base and carboxymethocel. “After you put this into the vagina, it’ll dissolve and expand. Have sex in about 20 to 30 minutes, and you’ll ‘bleed’,” explains the instructions. “A better effect will be reached if you appear to be shy and in pain...”

Wow. I kind of figured just about every chick I ever had sex with was faking orgasms, but now you can fake that it's your first time, too? How many possible ways do women have of screwin' with our brains? There's probably nothing that they say or do that's based on reality. I guess it all started centuries ago when some ugly heifer first put on makeup and fooled dudes into thinkin' she was pretty.  Then came stuffed bras.  Then butt-enhancing underwear, then cleavage tape, etc.  Dear God, when will it end?  From now on I'm callin' bullshit on every moment of every woman's life. Except the wifey of course, who I know is the only exception on the planet. Or maybe not....Shit!

This Chick Is Going To Host A Naked Cooking Show In China

Her name is Flora Cheung and all I can say is watch out for the bacon! I can't tell you how many times I've tried to whip up some bacon and eggs wearing nothing but boxers after a long night here at the Speakeasy and just burnt the shit outta myself. That stuff splatters like you can't believe. And French fries or onion rings? They'll send you to the Shriner's faster than you can say third degree burns. Other than that, great idea, Flora. Can I pass you the Wesson oil?