Are Fake Testicles Obscene?

Woman Faces Trial for Fake Testicles

ADULTFYI - The police chief of a small South Carolina town will ask a jury to decide if a woman broke the state's obscenity laws by driving a pickup truck with plastic testicles hanging from the back. Bonneau Police Chief Franco Fuda ticketed Virginia Tice, 65, in early July at a local convenience store after spying the adornment dangling from her truck. South Carolina law considers a bumper sticker, decal or device indecent when it describes, in an offensive way as determined by contemporary community standards, "sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body." The offense carries a maximum fine of $445 but no jail time, Fuda said. "This is certainly not a staple of my ticket writing in Bonneau," the police chief told Reuters on Wednesday. The Charleston law firm Savage & Savage will represent Tice for free, attorney Scott Bischoff said. The trial had been scheduled for next week but was delayed because the defendant will be out of town. "She's such a sweet lady and she just says 'I don't want to pay the fine.' We'll let a jury decide whether this is really criminal behavior. I don't want to take away from the importance of free speech, but it's really comical," he said. Lawmakers in some states have sought to ban the colorful plastic or rubber devices that go by brand names such as Bulls Balls and Truck Nutz. Fuda said if the fake testicles were a free speech issue, "I don't know what they would be trying to express." "I went to (a) few websites that said, excuse the expression, 'show your nuts,'" he said. "I didn't see anywhere it said support your local proctologist or farmer."

This case is so simple it's stupid. You can't be dangling balls off the back of your truck. Same thing for fake dicks, assholes and vaginas. Just can't do it. Those four body parts can't be paraded down the highway. Any other parts of the body and you're okay. Fake arms or legs? No problem. Fake bloody head? No sweat. But you gotta keep the private parts inside the truck. Bang. Done. Pay attention!

Woman Bites Off Man's Testicles

Maria Topp

Mother 'bit off boyfriend's testicles' in drunken 4am attack

ENGLAND - A mother-of-four has appeared in court accused of biting off her boyfriend's testicles in a drunken attack. Martin Douglas, 45, underwent emergency surgery to reattach his genitals after the alleged attack by Maria Topp. Mr Douglas, a DJ, called 999 in excruciating pain and operators struggled to understand what he was saying. Paramedics who attended his flat in Newcastle called police and Topp was arrested. She has since appeared in court charged with GBH over the February 18 incident in which Mr Douglas was also injured in the arm, the Daily Mirror reported. The victim was forced to spend several days in hospital recovering from his injuries. A police spokesman: 'At around 4am on Friday, February 18, police were called to a report of an assault. 'Officers attended and arrested a 43-year-old woman on suspicion of assault. 'A 45-year-old man was taken to the Freeman hospital for treatment to injuries to his arm and groin area. 'Police have since charged Maria Georgina Topp, 43, with causing GBH.'Topp, of Gateshead, will appear at Newcastle Crown Court next month.

Where to begin? Okay, let's start:

1. Look at the choppers on this vampire. Impressive. You can fit a straw through most Brits' front teeth.
2. How can you possibly let a woman bite off the baby-makers? She must have a clamp like a pitbull.
3. Do they taste like chicken?
4. Do raw balls taste better than cooked balls?
5. One at a time, or both in one bite?
6. Did she spit out the hair?
7. Did she try to swallow or was she just gonna spit 'em across the room?
8. How many punches to the head did she take?
9. Is it ironic that you live in "Gateshead?" Obviously no gates on that head.
10. What. The. Fuck?

I'm done.