Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Drunk Guy Eats A Napkin

Some may look at this and see a dude just blitzed beyond recognition. I look at this and see the spark of genius. Now I figure our man here is just in the testing phase, but this little experiment has a chance to change the course of humanity.

In ancient times, man just squatted in the woods, did his business and perhaps used a leaf to wipe away any remaining debris. Later, fabrics were introduced to do the dirty work. Centuries ago, sailors would actually raise the anchor of a ship, wipe their behinds on it and return the anchor to the ocean to cleanse it. During the Great Depression, roadside farmers sold corn husks to be used for the same purpose. In modern times, we have Charmin, Bounty, etc.

But what if by eating a scientifically designed napkin, in the right manner and at the perfect moment during a meal, we could digest said napkin so that it would automatically wipe our arse after defecating, thereby eliminating the need for the roll of toilet paper? That's right people, the perfect Ghost Wipe! Never again will the world be worried about being stranded on the bowl! All the work is done up front so you can relax, read your newspaper or magazine and know that when you're done, you're done. Automatic wiping. Here's to you, mad scientist. It's people like you who advance our civilization, one square at a time! Pay attention!