Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Florida Inmate Caught With 30 Items in Anus

Neil Lansing
SARASOTA, Fla. - Inmates from time to time get caught using a natural body cavity to smuggle items into jail, but what happened recently is a new mark. As the Sarasota Herald Tribune reported, 33-year-old Neil Lansing was sentenced to jail on drug charges and was going through a routine strip search when jail officials noticed something sticking out of his rear end. Upon removing the condom, they discovered many more items: 17 blue pills, 1 cigarette, 6 matches, a flint, a syringe, lip balm, a CVS receipt and a coupon. Lansing now faces additional charges of drug possession and smuggling contraband into a jail.

Yup, it's Florida, Part 2,837,785. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Florida is the penis of America and a national castration needs to take place. Having said that, what's the deal here, Neil? Are you like Rubberman or something? That's an impressive inventory you were carrying in the ol' keester there, pal. Thirty items?  The prison screws must've needed a backhoe to excavate that thing.  By the way, I can understand everything except the lip balm, the receipt and the coupon. WTF? Well maybe the lip balm will come in handy when you're smooching your new roommate, but I'm still a little fuzzy on the paper products. So many questions, so little time....