Messi - The Greatest Soccer Player In The World

Hey Messi - been watchin' LeBron?  Cause that was about the biggest choke I've ever seen.  When the best player in the world can't put a free kick within 50 yards of the net you know your sport sucks.  I'm just surprised he didn't flop to the ground and fake an injury.

Watch This Dude Just Miss Getting Killed By A Car

Some days you feel like there's a piano gonna be fallin' on your head any second as you walk down the street. Other days, you feel like everything you touch turns to gold. Most days, you're somewhere in between and just happy to be breathing. I wonder what the dude in the black suit was thinkin' right before that car came along. "I might have a shot at Pamela Anderson now that she's gettin' gross lookin'." "I hope my wife loses forty pounds." "Is Miley Cyrus old enough to fuck yet?" "My dick itches." "Cats are like dogs except they suck." "Did I just see a piano in the window?" "My dick itches." "Is sorbet really the same as sherbet?" "I'm glad I'm outside so no one will smell that fart." "My dick really itches." So many questions, so little time...