SEATTLE - Seattle Police, in a release this morning, said they were called overnight to a report of a naked man “growling like a dog” on a Maple Leaf front porch. Officers contacted the naked man, who was clearly under the influence of narcotics. The man continued to scream that he was “the devil” and that “everyone was going to die.” Officers ordered the man to lie down, but he instead continued to scream and started punching windows, breaking them and cutting himself. At that point, officers were forced to use non-lethal force to control him. He was then handcuffed and Seattle Fire was able to treat the cuts to his hands. The 20-year-old suspect was taken to Harborview Medical Center for further treatment. The incident occurred about 10:50 p.m. on March 1 in the 2000 block of Northeast 105th Street.
I got some news for these cops - this guy is a dog. There are no drugs involved here. I've watched every episode of HBO's "True Blood" so I think I'm what you call an expert in this area. You see, there are these creatures out there called shape-shifters. Sometimes they own a bar in Louisiana and they're named Sam. They can change into fucking animals! Really. No shit! Then they can change back, but when they do they're naked. Most of 'em are pretty nice and are just tryin' to figure out how they got born that way. But trust me, this guy actually is a dog. (Not sure about the devil part, though.)
